M.I.L.K.

This is a cow's take on "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M.

The sky is gold

On the farm, and farmer's hands are cold

When you're standing in your stall

Dairy barn, in the morn'

This milk is musical

These milking bucket rhymes

And every udder squirts, in time

In time cows will face the dawn

Now it's time to sing along

We can make a milking song  (cold dawn, cold dawn)

Place each note where it belongs  (cold dawn)

We can masticate our cuds

Ruminate, yummy straw

'Cause, every udder squirts

Here comes the milking man

Every udder squirts

Those frozen hands, oh no

Those frozen hands

Can you please go warm them up

Oh, oh, oh, not warm enough

If you warm them up, then you will

Bring cheer to milking song

We can masticate our cuds, ruminate, yummy straw

Yeah, every udder squirts, in time

Milking bucket rhymes

Every udder squirts, in time

And every udder squirts, in time

It's a cold dawn, cold dawn, cold dawn, cold dawn

Cold dawn, cold dawn, cold dawn, cold dawn

Every udder squirts

Insomnia

This is a sleepless spin on "Try" by Colbie Caillat.

Try to go to sleep

Tilt your head right

Scratch your chin

Stretch your leg again

Turn over

Close your eyes too, close your eyes too

Listen to the clock

Ticking on now

Check the time

Shadows on the wall, hum a song

Close your eyes too, close your eyes too

You just have insomnia

You just want to sleep the night away

You just have the hiccups, hiccup, hiccup, hiccup

You just have to breathe into a bag

Go on close your eye, eye, eye, eye-yi-eyes

Go on close your eye, eye, eye, eye-yi-eyes

Go on close your eye, eye, eye, eye-yi-eyes

So just close your eyes

Go on close your eyes

Snoo-oo-ooze

Restless leg syndrome

Wiggle feet

Mister Whiskers purrs

Does what kittys do

And those claws

They go right through, they go right through (Hey!)

Wait a second, I

Need to go… put the trash out too

Cause it's garbage day, today and

They will be here soon.  All too soon

You just have insomnia

You just want to sleep the night away

You just have the hiccups, hiccup, hiccup, hiccup

You just have to breathe into a bag

You just have insomnia

You just want to sleep the night away

You just have the hiccups, hiccup, hiccup, hiccup

You just have to breathe into a bag

Go on close your eye, eye, eye, eye-yi-eyes

Go on close your eye, eye, eye, eye-yi-eyes

Go on close your eye, eye, eye, eye-yi-eyes

Go on close your eyes

Go on close your eye, eye, eye, eye-yi-eyes

Go on close your eye, eye, eye, eye-yi-eyes

Go on close your eye, eye, eye, eye-yi-eyes

So just close your eyes

Go on close your eyes

You just have insomnia

You just want to sleep the night away

You just have the hiccups, hiccup, hiccup, hiccup

You just have to breathe into a bag

Go on close your eye, eye, eye, eye-yi-eyes

Go on close your eye, eye, eye, eye-yi-eyes

Go on close your eye, eye, eye, eye-yi-eyes

Go on close your eyes

Mister Whiskers, please

Hey off my face

Take a breath

Scratch those kitty ears, hear the purrs

Close your eyes too

Close those eyes too

Potato Surprise

This crosses "Devil Inside" by INXS with a leftover casserole's role in repurposing unwanted food.

Got some left-overs

Some o-old french fri-ies

Clean the 'frigerator

It's casserole night

Toss in the tuna

Trim off the cheese

Add in some of those obligitory peas

It needs some of these, these leftover peas

Mix it under, under, under

Leftover spam, it's a cellophane prize

Squirt in some ketchup, add a quarter pot pie

Some rubbery broccoli, and dry carrot sticks

Mix it under some soy bacon bits

Mmmm bacon bits

Potato surprise, potato surprise

Mixing up some leftover

Potato surprise

Potato surprise, potato surprise

Fixing up a casserole called

Potato surprise, oh woah oh oh

Let's reminisce

With that old crusty rice

Half a frankfurter, that frankfurter's nice

And back in that corner, say what's in that bowl

It looks kinda grody and so old I can't tell

What it i-i-is

What is this foo-ooo-ood

It's in potato surpri-i-ise

Yeah potato surpri-ise

Potato surprise, potato surprise

Everything ends up inside

Potato surprise

Potato surprise, potato surprise

It all ends up somewhere in

Potato surprise

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na

Some mushy zucchini, from Saturday night

Got the runs then, but lets give it a try

Pop in some pudding, I hope that it's lime

Eat this stuff now or we'll have it next time

Potato surprise, potato surprise

Mixing up some leftover

Potato surprise

Potato surprise, potato surprise

Fixing up a casserole called

Potato surprise

Potato surprise, potato surprise

Everything ends up inside

Potato surprise

Potato surprise, potato surprise

It all ends up somewhere in

Potato surpri-i-ise, oh-woah-oh

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na

Potato surprise

Yeah yeah yeah

Potato surprise

Yeah yeah yeah

Carry Buddha

This is "Barracuda" by Heart as sung by a disgruntled Buddhist monk.

So, the master monk said

To that room instead

Feng shui

We have to move Buddha today

And son of a gun

But he's a heavy one

Got qualms, and sweaty palms

So though Buddha should enlighten me

I bet he's gonna squish my chi

And now he's ow, ow, ow, ow, on my toe you see

Now why don't you

Carry Buddha?

Oh-oh-oh

Hands on his knees

Keep moving please

Oh please

This may just herniate me

Oh no

My right, not yours

Through those big doors

Turn there

Then up the stairs

So though I took a vow I would not speak

This redecoration situation's bleak

And now my back, back, back, back, back is tweaked

Ow, carry Buddha

Oh, ow

Tell me, tell you

This thing is heavy

Bent brows broke vows

Spoken a few

I got a few for you too

Up one flight, and then the next

To the alcove that's the best

That Buddha's solid brass

Don't wanna bust my…. back

So though I took a vow I would not speak

This redecoration situation's bleak

And now my back, back, back, back, back is tweaked

Ow, carry, carry Buddha

Pastrami on a Parmesan Bun

This spins Sam Smith's "I'm Not the Only One" into an infatuation with the deli clerk and a greater infatuation for the sandwich she makes.

I'm in love, with the deli girl

But I can't say the words

So I just buy more sandwiches

And it's giving me the stinky burps

I'm eating there three times a day

Hoping it's your shift

Getting stamps on my sandwich card

When you're off I feel like I've been gypped

You take pastrami

And put it on a parmesan bun

And you made it so tasty

Now I want another one

How the weeks and the seasons turn

And that sandwich is our thing

I wish that I could speak some other words

Instead I'll have another pastrami

And you take pastrami

Put it on that parmesan bun

And you made it so tasty

Now I want another one

Change of hands at the Sandwich Land

Now saeurkraut makes me cry

Cuz you've gone to the Deli Grand

And I will not have my Reuben on rye

You gotta take pastrami

And put it on that parmesan bun

Cuz that makes it so tasty

Now I want another one

You take pastrami

And put it on a parmesan bun

But you made it so God darn tasty

Now I want another one

Now I want another one

Now I want another one

And I go

And I go

And I go

And I go

And I go

And I go, so

Now I want another one

lol brb

This spins S.O.B. by Nathaniel Rateliff into a song about Chinese food and it's ability to interrupt online conversation.

You order delivery?

Mmm mmm mmmm.  Mmm mmm mmmm.  Mmm mmm mm mm mm.

I'm gonna need some of that chow mein

I'm gonna need some battered meat

I'm gonna need some of that egg fu young

I'm gonna need a cookie too

I'm gonna celebrate an egg roll

I'll be chowing broccoli beef

I'm gonna swallow me some of that sweet moo shu, and nobody's gonna keep it from me

LOL

BRB

One more plate

That's what I need

LOL

I said OMG

I'm gonna eat my plate clean

Now been seventeen minutes, since my fork went down

Seventeen more, I'll starve, you'll see

These Asian noodles just won't fill me up

But I need some more of that MSG

LOL

BRB

One more plate

That's what I need

LOL

I said OMG

I'm gonna eat my plate clean

My belly's growling, my mouth is drooling, microwave is calling to me

My belly's growling, my mouth is drooling, microwave is calling to me

My belly's growling, my mouth is drooling, microwave is calling to me

My belly's growling, my mouth is drooling, microwave is calling to me

LOL

BRB

One more plate

That's what I need

LOL

I said OMG

I'm gonna eat my plate clean

LOL

BRB

One more plate

That's what I need

LOL

I said OMG

I'm gonna eat my plate clean

Do You Like Your Shoes?

This spins "Would I Lie to You" by the Eurythmics into a tale of elven career change.

Do you like your shoes?

Do you like your shoes, Buddy?

I'm a foot artist Mister, so tell me true

I'm asking you Buster

Do you li-i-ike your shoes?

I'm fine, at the shoe store

I'm not baking anymore

I've left that tree

That cookie dough

Now I got me

My shoe chateau

Suede feet, I'll make it, make it

Suede feet, I'll make it, make it

Do you like your shoes?

Do you like your shoes, Buddy?

Elves don't do buckles, that fad has flew

I'm asking you Buster

Do you li-i-ike your shoes?

Don't make toys, for hairy geezer

That hammer noise,  s'not a pleaser

The North Pole is cold

Elf lips ain't blue

Yeah I got my goals

Now I'm making shoes

Suede feet, I'll make it, make it

Suede feet, I'll make it, make it

Do you like your shoes?

Do you like your shoes, Buddy?

I'm a foot artist Mister, so tell me true

I'm asking you Buster

Do you li-i-ike your shoes?

Do you like your shoes?

Do you like your shoes, Buddy?

Elves don't do velcro, that fad has flew

I'm asking you Buster

Do you li-i-ike your shoes?

I'm fine, at the shoe store

Don't hang with hobbits anymore

Go fight your dragon

Your Tolkien war

I'm making sandals

Got orders out the door

Suede feet, I'll make it, make it

Suede feet, I'll make it, make it

Do you like your shoes?

Frogs Don't Wear Pajammies

Oh, frogs don't wear pajammies in the morning,

Morning jammies aren't their cup of tea,

The waistband's far too wide,

and the legs are far too long,

Jammies just don't fit their fannies properly.

Oh, frogs don't wear pajammies in the daytime,

That flannel's hot and itchy in the sun,

And when they hop and jump

on their lily pads and stumps,

Pajammies really aren't a lot of fun.

Oh, frogs don't wear pajammies in the morning,

In that way they are not like you and me,

And even in the night time,

when they have to pee,

Frogs don't wear pajammies don't you see!

Frogs don't wear pajammies on the schoolbus,

All the kids would laugh and point and stare,

            Not even for a million flies!

A frog wouldn't wear pajammies over there.

And when they're swimming in the pond,

Pajammies wouldn't last for long,

They'd get wet and limp and soggy,

Oh that poor pajammied froggy!

That's why frogs wear bathing suits.

Making a Deal

This crosses "Head Over Heels" by Tears For Fears with a used furniture salesman.

You walked into my furniture store

To get out of the weather

Faux Phoenician vases and stylin dining spaces

Could not catch your attention

You scrunch your eyebrows and you grimace your mouth

I see you have reservations

I'd like to sell you something, maybe you need a couch

You say the price is high

Oh it's just, just way too high

But it's a special and I'm making a deal

I must be crazy to be making a deal

I want this sale and now I'm making a deal

So I'll knock the price

And drop the price

Oh, it's, it's a special today

<Special today>

<Special today>

I'm on commission, but I'll throw it away

You know I have no ambition

Buy it now and I can, I can, toss in this lamp

<Special today>

It's. It's. It's.  A good proposition

The others in the break room think that I can not sell

<Subliminal ad>

It really is a downer

<You want this sofa>

It's hard to meet the plan when the quota's out of hand

<Cooshy cooshy comfy pillows>

Oh don't leave so

Cuz it's a special and I'm making a deal

I must be crazy to be making a deal

I want this sale and now I'm making a deal

So I'll knock the price

And drop the price

Oh, it's, it's a special today

This is a lovely sofa

Oh, what a find, and it reclines

This is my only sofa

<So fa so fa fa, so fa so fa fa>…

When a dime shines

One bargain tag, one bargain man

This is a good buy

Indian Casino

This crosses "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane with Native American reservations.

Hie yie yaya, hie yie yaya…

Our way of life - they took our land

To build their cities and their castles in the sand

Farewell to days of roaming free

All life adapts, you know this happens naturally

A fire ring, our spirit song

We have our reservations and a need to carry on

Oh, native man, or Indian

By any name these moccasins I'm walking in

I felt the loss of ancestry

I know their spirits are still living in me

Oh earth below, all paved and numb

I see smoke signals in the sky above

A fire ring, our spirit song

We have our reservations and a need to carry on

Oh, native man, or Indian

By any name these moccasins I'm walking in

And if you ever wondered where did we go

Come enjoy the slots, blackjack, or keno

Bring your wallets full to hear cha-ching

So where did we go?

Indian casino

Indian casino

A fire ring, our spirit song

We have our reservations and a need to carry on

Oh, native man, or Indian

By any name these moccasins I'm walking in

And if you ever wondered where did we go

Come enjoy the slots, blackjack, or keno

Bring your wallets full to hear cha-ching

So where did we go?

Indian casino

Hie yie yaya, hie yie yaya…

Bring your wallets full to hear cha-ching

So where did we go?

Indian casino

So where did we go?

Indian casino

Rabbit Season - Duck Season

This is a spin of "Little Lion Man" by Mumford and Sons with a Loony Tunes twist.

Wisten wittle wabbit, I'm a hunter

And I'm coming with my gun

This may seem a bad thing

But for hunters wabbit season's weally fun

Make yourself avawabwool

Come up out of your wittle wabbit hole

So I can shoot you wiff my bullets, as a hunter that weally is my goal

But Fudd, unless you want a fine

You should read it on the sign

You see it's duck season this time

Mister Fudd, hunter

Elmer Fudd, hunter

Twemble for youwself, my duck Fow now it's you I'm coming fowr Twemble wittle wascal duck Hunting ducks is what duck season's fowr I'll wace to chase you through the gwades Yowr finger can not keep my gun in check And though it bwows up in my face, I'm going to wing youw feather neck

But Fudd, unless you want a fine

You should read it on the sign

You see it's wabbit season time

Elmer Fudd, hunter

But Fudd, unless you want a fine

You should read it on the sign

You see it's duck season this time

Mister Fudd, hunter

Elmer Fudd, hunter

But Fudd, unless you want a fine

You should read it on the sign

You see it's wabbit season time

Elmer Fudd, hunter

But Fudd, unless you want a fine

You should read it on the sign

You see it's duck season this time

Mister Fudd, hunter

Elmer Fudd, hunter

Tidy Tie

This is a courtroom spin of "The Old Man Down the Road" by John Fogarty.

He hit the courtroom like a wind storm

His words are thunder in the sky

He can debate stronger than you or me

He make a jedi knight comply

He got a tidy tie

He got tip top 'tallian shoes

He got a tidy tidy tie

That lawyer, his case is won

He got the eyes to size the jurors

He got the wise to nod their heads

He got a briefcase covered with rattlesnake hide

Opposing lawyer's feeling dread

He got a tidy tie

He got tip top 'tallian shoes

He got a tidy tidy tie

That lawyer, his case is won

He know the words to seize your reason

He show the courtroom why and how

He effects flawless litigation

That lawyer brings the court around

He got a tidy tie

He got tip top 'tallian shoes

He got a tidy tidy tie

That lawyer, his case is won

Yeah that lawyer's case is won

Pick It Out (Booger on the Bedpost)

The nose picker's version of "Inside Out" by Eve 6.

(Chorus) I would wake up at night, sinus aching inside

With a big crusty glob of snot congesting my mind

Should I pick it out, I could scream and shout

Hard boogers just hate hard boogers

Wanna put my finger, knuckle deep or deeper

Wiggle it around, finagle that big booger out

You'd remove boogers too if you knew this goo

I squirm squirm like a worm on a fish hook, hurt, stuck, and so impaled

I want to wimper, whine, and wail

That big blob of snot is painful

My brain is cramped and small, I think I found your wiffle ball

I read words in nasal crannies

In thick gobs of crusty braile

My nostril burns when I exhale

(Chorus)

So calloused in my sinus

From the pick pick of my fingernail

This one looks like a carabou

Or is it more a reindeer, all it needs, a little sled

Tormented by the mucus in my head

(Chorus)

You'd remove it too

Struck a bone in the zone, oh my nose

New breed ankylosaurus

What a find when your mind goes

Stick it where it sticks most, booger on the bedpost

Struck a bone in the zone, oh my nose

New breed ankylosaurus

What a find when your mind goes

Another booger on the bedpost

(Chorus)

Frog in the Bandolier

This spins "Chandelier" by Sia into a tale of a desparado frog who will stop at nothing to get at those flies on the window.

Bandit frog, with attitude

I will get your bug, one webby dude

I eat that bug, eat that bug (croak)

I will go to your window sill

Where you keep your flies, get your bugs I will

Can't stop me now, stop me now (croak)

Eat that fly, eat that fly, lick

Eat that fly, eat that fly, lick

Eat that fly, eat that fly, lick

Eat 'em down, can't stop me now

I am the frog in the bandolier, in the bandolier

I am the frog your insects call dangerous

The one they call dangerous

I'm gonna climb, up your venician blinds, to your most precious flies

I am the frog in the bandolier, in the bandolier

And I'm climbing up to the heights, 'til I'm there where your flies like to hide

Just stand back now, I'm eating flies, eat them all, this is bandit frog pride

And now I'm climbing up to the heights, 'til I'm there where your flies like to hide

Just stand back now, I'm eating flies, eat them all, this is bandit frog pride

Bandit frog pride

Bug owner, I address

Better back off now, this is serious

Just keep away, just keep away

Eat that fly, eat that fly, lick

Eat that fly, eat that fly, lick

Eat that fly, eat that fly, lick

Eat 'em down, can't stop me now

I am the frog in the bandolier, in the bandolier

I am the frog your insects call dangerous

The one they call dangerous

I'm gonna climb, up your venician blinds, to your most precious flies

I am the frog in the bandolier, in the bandolier

And I'm climbing up to the heights, 'til I'm there where your flies like to hide

Just stand back now, I'm eating flies, eat them all, this is bandit frog pride

And now I'm climbing up to the heights, 'til I'm there where your flies like to hide

Just stand back now, I'm eating flies, eat them all, this is bandit frog pride

Bandit frog pride

Mummy

This the ancient Egyptian curse version of "Call Me" by Blondie.

Wrapped up in trespassing, robber

I know where you are

Trapped in sandstone passings, beware

I'm not very far

Steal your courage, chill your heart

Ancient curses in a jar

Mummy (mummy) nhuh-ooo-ah

Mummy, mummy, comes alive

Mummy (mummy) nhuh-ooo-ah

Mummy's coming, ready for a fight

Mummy

Wrap me in Egyptian linen

For eternal life

Put jewels and gems and blings devine

on to my sarcophogi

Drill a hole, remove my brain

Kind of gross but stops decay

Mummy (mummy) nhuh-ooo-ah

Mummy, mummy, comes alive

Mummy (mummy) nhuh-ooo-ah

The guardian revivified

Mummy

Nhuh-oo-oo, he reads the hieroglyphs of life

Nhuh-oo-oo, a cobra, walky guy, walky guy

Nhuh-oo-oo, crocodile, flower pot, crocodile

It's an eye, it's a face, it's a chair, it's a wait

It's an eye, it's a face, it's a chair, it's a wait

Wait I know this one

Is that a hippo?

Lets see…

Loopy squiggle rope

Owl!  That's an owl

Ziggy lines… A giant slug

An eye, hand, axe

What's that thing?  Oh no…

Mummy (mummy) nhuh-ooo-ah

Mummy, mummy, comes alive

Mummy (mummy) nhuh-ooo-ah

Mummy, bringing doom unto defilers

Mummy (mummy) nhuh-ooo-ah

Mummy, sacred servant of the Nile

Mummy, (mummy) purify the tomb in style

Mummy (mummy) nhuh-ooo-ah

Mummy, mummy, comes alive

Mummy (mummy) nhuh-ooo-ah

Mummy

Lemon Creme Pie

This crosses Paul McCartney's "Live and Let Die" with circus clowns and pie.

When night was young we would run round the circus tent

With clowny games, like hide and seek pies

That's what we did, that's what we did, that's what we did

But clown school finals changed the game that we were playing

Makes you fling it up high

That lemon crème pie

Lemon crème pie

Lemon crème pie

Lemon crème pie

What does it matter to ya

Running round in floppy shoes

You gotta do it well

You gotta squeek your nose and run and yell

Yes, long ago we would drive 'round the circus tent

Our little car, five clown shoes high

That's what we did, that's what we did, that's what we did

But clown school finals changed the games that we were playing

Makes you fling it up high

That lemon crème pie

Lemon crème pie

Lemon crème pie

Lemon crème pie

Lord of the Yodel

This is a yodeler's spin of Demi Lavato's "Let it Go" from the animated movie Frozen.

My nose blows wet in my hanky tonight

Only yodeler to be heard

This mountain's been abandoned, 'cept by shaggy goats and birds

My tongue is flapping like a pretty butterfly

I just have to sing, and I'll tell you why

No one to see, no one to hear

Except a saint bernard with my barreled beer

No one to hear, why should I care

My voice echoes - eve.ry.where

Yodel on, Yodel on

The last of the yodelers

Yodel on, Yodel on

Echoes back across the mountain tors

I yodel loud, I yodel free

My yodels fly

Far and back to me

It's funny how one voice can break down a silent wall

And the voice that breaks the silence reaches out unto us all

High in the cold thin air, is a place where silence thrives

One voice is all it takes to bring the yodel back to life

Yodel on, Yodel on

The last of the yodelers

Yodel on, Yodel on

Echoes back across the mountain tors

I yodel loud, I yodel free

My yodels fly

Far and back to me

I will pose in

Fancy lederhozen

Singing spendors

And wearing bright suspenders

Echoes on and on

Yodel on, Yodel on

The last of the yodelers

Yodel on, Yodel on

Echoes back across the mountain tors

I yodel loud, I yodel free

My yodels fly

Far and back to me

So yodel loud and yodel free

Yodel clear, in yodel harmony

Yodel on, Yodel on

Yodel on and on and on