Food Fight of Evermore

This spins Led Zeppelin's "Battle of Evermore" into a food fight of epic preportions.

The lunching line, checking out
And tensions turn to goals
A plate of peas to face the doom
Au graton potatoes

Oh, chance of a food fight
Bring it for your side
The forecast tides a course flung high
And flying spaghetti falls

Oh, load up your chow and go
Best not to eat it all
Stewed or fried debates decide
An airborne smorgasbord

I have sauces gathered, bound for a volley o' woe
I'm waiting with my noodles of parmesean, waiting with a feast to throw

The applesauce is really co-old, and freezy makes it best
And salad for your colon care
Fiber, do not forget
No, no

Chance of a food fight
Fling it high for your side
The applesauce poured down his back
And croutons on his head

Oh war is the common cry
Pick up your sporks and
The sky is filled with fruit gone bad
And kernals of old corn

Oh, go down

So while the fight rolls on, get under tables, go
Guard the prize of these chili fries, waiting with a feast to throw

The rain of corn we fought receds, when 'lo a snack attack
The knees will quake as nachos fall
Then sling fries right on back, fries-on
Sing liberation
Fries-on
Toss taters at the horde
No comfort has the pile of fries
When lies an empty bowl

Oh, chance of a food fight
Fling it with all your might
So wipe your jeans to get the cheese and fling the nachos back
Fling a snack

At last the chef is nigh and
His cries of truce rise high
When flings from the tables of two sides
The goulash blinds his eyes

Oh ahh oh
Fling a snack, fling a snack, fling a snack, fling a snack
Fling a snack, fling a snack, fling a snack, fling a snack
Duck down, go down, get down, oh
Duck down, go down, get down
Fling a snack, fling a snack, fling a snack, fling a snack
Duck down, go down, get down, oh
Duck down, go down, get down
Fling it, fling it, fling it, fling it, fling it, fling it
Fling it, fling it, fling it, fling it, fling it, fling it

Burnt Umber

This spins "Betterman" by Pearl Jam into a song about a lack of alternative crayon colors.

Paper, tears one off, and lays it down, she's got to draw
Think how, unicorns and princesses could be
As she opens the box, tips it over
No crayons in there but this one burnt umber

Her skies aren't blue and her trees aren't green, can't find another crayon
She's got no yellow, no green, no red, can't find another crayon
Can't find another crayon
Can't find another crayon
Oh

Thinkin' to herself, this rainbow's lame, not colorful
She draws an elf
Oh, remember box when crayons were full and long
Then bratty brother, stole in, stole them all
Crayons got eaten, now her crayons are gone

She wants some orange and she wants some red, can't find another crayon
She's got no purple, no pink, no thing, can't find another crayon
She lies and says she likes umber, can't find another crayon
She sees no silver, she sees no gold, can't find another crayon
Can't find another crayon
Can't find another crayon

She lost them, she can't color dreams this way
He eats them, he wants a crayon snack again

Can't find another crayon
Can't find another crayon
Can't find another crayon
Can't find another crayon

No Timmy!  That one tastes like poo!

Speed Dial a Mime

This turns "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses into a song about a mime's disregard for the English language and subsequent game-show difficulties.

He aughta study for the SAT
But grammar is not his cup of tea
This whole English thing
Well, it seems such a waste of time

The weekend's been when he paints his face
And he heads downtown to a special place
And there the faire troupe throng
Will put on a big pantomime

Go see Milo the mime
Go see Milo the mime

Years spin by on the hands of time
While this miming champion
Will fit his hands in cotton whites
And squeeze in a box again

And now Milo's up on a TV show
He's wearing a contestant sign
And posed with a question he don't know
He'll call on his mime life line

Go speed dial a mime
Go speed dial a mime
Go speed dial a mime
Speed dial a mime

What do you know?
I is a pronoun
What do you know?

What do you know?
You is a pronoun
And we is a pronoun

What do you know?
Speed dial
This is a pronoun

My yie yie yie yie yie mime
This is a pronoun
What do you know?  I is a pronoun
What do you know?  You is a pronoun
What do you know?  We is a pronoun
Now now now now now now noun
Speed dial
Speed dial a mime

BLT

This spins "Brass In Pocket" by the Pretenders into a diner's sales pitch.

Want fast?  I'll make it
Don't dawdle.  I'm gettin to it
Suggestions?  Forget the menu
Gonna make your, make your, make your sandwich

Libation for your hydration
Then dine in clean booth seating
So pleasing, this dreamy seas'ning
Gonna make your, make your, make your sandwich

Gonna use my bread
Gonna use mayonaise
Gonna use my lettuce
Gonna use tomatos
Gonna use my bacon
Gonna use my, my, my sandwich makings

Oh, 'cause I'm gonna make you eat
It's today's special
A BLT
A special (special), lunch special (special)
You gotta have some of this good luncheon, take it from me

Got some yums, got this to eat
Got something, so-weet
Got soda, get free refills
Gonna make your, make your, make your sandwich

Gonna use my bread
Gonna use mayonaise
Gonna use my lettuce
Gonna use tomatos
Gonna use my bacon
Gonna use my, my, my sandwich makings

Oh, 'cause I'm making lunch tasty
It's our lunch special
A BLT
A special (special), lunch special (special)
You gotta have some of this good luncheon
Take it from me
'Cause I'm gonna make you eat
It's today's special
A BLT
A special (special), lunch special (special)
You gotta have some of this good luncheon

Take it from me
I know what you want

You Make This Ghost Go Boo

This turns "You Make Me Feel Brand New" by The Stylistics into a song about a ghost's passion for scaring a special someone.

My grave
This lonely time inside my grave
So dark and cold inside my grave
I thought I'd not be saved

From my grave
You put the rattle in my chains
Those haunting notions in my brain
And from these I can't refrain

Know it's true
In my heart there was a chasm
Then you stirred my ectoplasm
This song is for you
'Cause I gotta boo for you

Ghostly woo
You make this ghost go boo
Your goosebumps make me swoon
You make this ghost go boo
I haunt this house 'cause you
Make this ghost go boo

Above
Whenever you are walking near
I float upon the chandelier
I'm there to scare my hauntee

Phantom friend
Come join me in this ghostly dance
And if you give me half a chance
I'll spook you and you'll mess your pants

Freak out you
I got these ghost skills sublime
White sheets get a scare every time
Hundred million ways to
Get an eeky face
On you

Ghostly woo
You make this ghost go boo
Your goosebumps make me swoon
You make this ghost go boo
I haunt this house for you

Boo

You
You make this ghost go boo
Your goosebumps make me swoon
You make this ghost go boo
I haunt this house for you

The Burrito Has Been Reheated

This spins "The Horizon Has Been Defeated" by Jack Johnson into a song about a burrito that is too hot, again.

The burrito has been reheated
By the powers of the micro-waves
Bubbling in tortillas
But baby I just have to say
That cheese can burn bad
And make you wag your tongue in pain
But as it grows colder
It just doesn't taste the same

Future indigestion
When those beans release the gas
And acid can turn to reflux
Before the pent up pressures pass
And in belly begins the rumbles
And in rumbles begins the pains
And in the end descends a wind
And that wind will leave a stain

Breeze can turn bad
And make you want to run away
But as the smells linger
The discomfort begins to change, change, change

Habanerrolaid jumble
Indigestion in the news
Because peppers are spicy
And twice they burn a hole you pay the dues
Hemorrhoidal heat's a hurting
Misery is on the loose
Because peppers are spicy
And pricey, burn a hole in your caboose
Squeeze the tube but you're out of the gel
Oh sometimes man, make you want to yell and

Cheeks can burn bad
You don't wanna rub and chafe
But as you sit longer
The discomfort begins to fade away

Ghost Pig

This spins "Don't Speak" by No Doubt into a song about a ghost pig and a love of bacon.

Spooky thing
Flying down the hallway
Trotting on the wall all muddy
I heard a squeal
Now you're chewing my cushions
I can't believe
The sofa's ruined
It looks as though, you're white as snow
And if you're real
There's something you should know

Ghost pig
I just want your bacon
The aroma you're making
Just makes the hunger worse
Ghost pig
I want all your bacon
And pork chops no mistaking
With gravy would be great

Your bacon grease
Well, it could be for frying
I'm hungry, maybe I should try the high heat
Baked or fried, I'm satisfied
With a roast on a rack or pork pot pie

Ghost pig
I just want your bacon
The aroma that you're making
Just makes the hunger worse (oh, oh no)
Ghost pig
I want all your bacon
And pork chops no mistaking
With gravy would be great

So salivating
Let's start marinating you today - with gravy.
Friccassee.  Time to eat up savory gravy.

Ghost pig
I just want your bacon
The aroma that you're making
Just makes the hunger worse (oh no)
Ghost pig
I just want your bacon
I swear my belly's aching
It makes the hunger worse
It makes my hunger worse!
I want all your bacon
And pork chops no mistaking

Ghost pig
Ghost pig
Ghost pig

I want all your bacon
And pork chops no mistaking
I know you're good
I know you're good
I know you're real good

Mmmm.  Oinky oinky oink, oinky oinky oink
Ghost.  Ghost.  Mm-hmm.  Mash mashed potatoes
Mash mashed potatoes, mash, mash
Ghost gravy would be great.   Mmm.  Mmm.
Mash mashed potatoes, mash, mashed potatoes
Mash, mash, ghost gravy would be great

Stained Laundry

This spins Aha's "Take On Me" into a song about dirty clothes and their need for professional cleaning services.

Wash it away
Stains won't go, my whites are gray
I'd spray those stains away
But they're so stubborn, sprays just won't cut thru
Trying to say
Heavy cycle's not enough today

Stained laundry (stained laundry)
Take these socks (stained laundry)
Wash these off
And I'll wait for you

So it's best to pay
This mustard mess
Just won't clean off, another way
There's no returning this purple beret
Stained laundry
This old sweater'd itch less with a softner

Stained laundry (stained laundry)
Take these socks (stained laundry)
Wash these off
And I'll wait for you

Clothes stink, it's what they say
I can't deny it's just the way I sweated today
And all these things in need of a softner
I'm trying to say
Heavy cycle won't do anyway

Stained laundry (stained laundry)
Take these socks (stained laundry)
Wash these off
And I'll wait

Stained laundry (stained laundry)
Take these socks (stained laundry)
Wash these off
And I'll wait

Foxtail Blues (Waffle Stompers)

This spins Milky Chance's "Stolen Dance" into a tale of a hike gone bad and a tragic loss of smores.

I wore boots on my hike

So that I'd never stub my toe again

They fit my feet so fine

But now they've got too heavy for me

And though I've fallen far behind

The trail will twist back again this way

I need to catch up some time

Or they will eat up my smores

Foxtail blues

Took a shortcut through the flora

Now my pants are full of thorns

Heavy waffle stompers

Pants and thorns, feeling itchy and rubbed raw

Smores are very nice

Move those waffle stompers

Foxtail blues Took a shortcut through the flora Now my pants are full of thorns Heavy waffle stompers Pants and thorns, feeling itchy and rubbed raw Smores are very nice Move those waffle stompers

Move those waffle stompers

Can't see forest for trees

No fun in hiking anymore

My heavy thighs are feeling pain

Caused by excess of boot

Those smores and roaring campfire

I kinda smell my way out of here

I want shoes for my hike

So that I never lose my smores again

Foxtail blues Took a shortcut through the flora Now my pants are full of thorns Heavy waffle stompers Pants and thorns, feeling itchy and rubbed raw Smores are very nice Move those waffle stompers Foxtail blues Took a shortcut through the flora Now my pants are full of thorns Heavy waffle stompers Pants and thorns, feeling itchy and rubbed raw Smores are very nice Move those waffle stompers Move those waffle stompers

Foxtail blues Took a shortcut through the flora Now my pants are full of thorns Heavy waffle stompers Pants and thorns, feeling itchy and rubbed raw Smores are very nice Move those waffle stompers Foxtail blues Took a shortcut through the flora Now my pants are full of thorns Heavy waffle stompers Pants and thorns, feeling itchy and rubbed raw Smores are very nice Move those waffle stompers Move those waffle stompers

Sing the Words Wrong

This spins "Riptide" by Vance Joy into a celebration of misheard lyrics.

I had berries, lentils, and a carp

I don't care for berry swirls in starry constellations

Oh all my pants are getting clean

And my transmission's slippy with whipped cream

Oooh, oh-oh, and the car won't start

Maybe, Gummybear is a hip spy

Breaking away from the dark side

I wanna be a Yoda fan

I can't choose when you're holding the menu and

I got stuck with the oatmeal

You're gonna sing the words wrong

There goes Scooby on a motor bike

The spy decides to sit and talk and have a New York cheesecake

This cat toy's playing with itself

That cheese is sitting with a quiet elf

Oooh, oh-oh, in a camel cart

Lady, running 'round with a tour guide

Sunny chalet on the west side

I wanna meet your weatherman

Sudoku or a game of ping pong and

I got pokemon postcards

You're gonna sing the words wrong

I just wanna, I just wanna go

In a sauna, in a sauna stay

I just gotta, I just gotta go

I should wash up, I should wash up in a major way

My parrot's messy with ice cream

Ghostly pirate whistle piper on a broken swing

Oh lady, sledding down in a luge slide

Making away with my pot pies

I gotta hold your soda can

I love Woof, then he's digging a dog bone

I got bumped by a goat 'cause

You're gonna sing the words wrong

Or maybe, funny clown with a big tie

Eating buffet with a mob guy

I wanna try your best plum jam

I hit snooze when you're ringing a gong and

I got dunked in a moat 'cause

You're gonna sing the words wrong

Oh lady, tipping cows on the hillside

Stepping again in the cow pies

I gotta pee, lets stop again

I achoo when you're sneezing along and

I got gum in my nose 'cause

You're gonna sing the words wrong, yeah

I got gum in my nose 'cause

You're gonna sing the words wrong

The Pigeon Appreciation Song

This is a thankful pigeon's adaptation of Meghan Trainor's "If Your Lips Are Moving".

If crumbs ya threw'n, If crumbs ya threw'n

If crumbs ya threw'n, then you're kind, kind, kind, yeah

If crumbs ya threw'n, If crumbs ya threw'n

If crumbs ya threw'n, then you're kind, kind, kind, yeah

I'm flappin' down from my nest

Wing it to the park when I wanna rest

You gotta feed good to pass my test

Coo-oo.  Some bread crumbs would be best

Yeah, I'm a city bird

I've a seen it done

Your bag got something, ain't that a bun?

If bread you got, and you share it too

You'll hear this birdie coo

You can chase me with a puppy

And I'll fly fly fly, fly fly fly, I'll fly fly

So go ditch your yippie doggie or I'll fly fly fly, fly fly fly

I know you're kind

'Cause crumbs ya threw'n

Tell me with a deli bun

I'm makin' room

This bird is poopin'

Flappin' round in circles with the flock

I peck your face, poop on your sweater

That's thank you in pigeon talk

I know you're kind

'Cause crumbs ya threw'n

Mister, don't ya know I'm won

If crumbs ya threw'n, If crumbs ya threw'n

If crumbs ya threw'n, then you're kind, kind, kind, Mister

If crumbs ya threw'n, If crumbs ya threw'n

If crumbs ya threw'n, then you're kind, kind, kind, Mister

Hey Mister, don’t you wear raingear

'Cause it's too late, too late, mister, now

I get excited when your near

You got bread crumbs, bread crumbs, wow, oh

You can chase me with a puppy

And I'll fly fly fly, fly fly fly, I'll fly fly

So go ditch your yippie doggie or I'll fly fly fly, fly fly fly

I know you're kind

'Cause crumbs ya threw'n

Tell me with a deli bun

I'm makin' room, this bird is poopin'

Flappin' round in circles with the flock

I peck your face, poop on your sweater

That's thank you in pigeon talk

I know you're kind

'Cause crumbs ya threw'n

Mister, don't ya know I'm won

If crumbs ya threw'n, If crumbs ya threw'n

If crumbs ya threw'n, then you're kind, kind, kind, yeah

If crumbs ya threw'n, If crumbs ya threw'n

If crumbs ya threw'n, then you're kind, kind, kind, yeah

I know you're kind

'Cause crumbs ya threw'n

Tell me with a deli bun

I'm makin' room, this bird is poopin'

Flappin' round in circles with the flock

I peck your face, poop on your sweater

That's thank you in pigeon talk

I know you're kind

'Cause crumbs ya threw'n

Mister, don't ya know I'm won

Twilight Pickle

This is the midnight snack version of "Twilight Zone" by Golden Earring.

Somewhere in a quiet kitchen

There's a guy starting to realize

That his midnight snack has got it's grip on him

It's two A.M.

It's two A.M.  (It's two A.M.)

The hunger's on  (Hunger's on)

And that refrigerator's open  (Refrigerator)

The gumbo's all gone  (The gumbo's all gone)

I weigh my selection; it's time to make a sandwich

I got butter on my fingers

Bread crumbs over there

Slices of the roast beef

And pepper in the air

Yearning a ghirkin

When my whole night spins into a frenzy

Help, I'm gripping onto a kaiser roll

Pickles almost out, seems I'm needing more

My buttery hands blunder and "ooh", I snarl

How am I to open that cold pickle jar

Soon you will have no more

When the pickles hit the floor

Soon you will have no more

When the pickles hit the floor

They're falling down in slow-mo

Destination the floor

These are not condiments

Anymore

Can't get no connection

Can't grip too

What to do?

Well the night weighs heavy on his hungry mind

This jar's full of picklebrine

When the pickles fall

He knows darn well he has to clean it

And he says, help, I'm gripping onto a kaiser roll

Pickles almost out, seems I'm needing more

My buttery hands blunder and "ooh", I snarl

How am I to open that cold pickle jar?

Soon you will have no more

When the pickles hit the floor

Soon you will have no more

When the pickles hit the floor

When the pickles hit the floor

Giddy Up, Good Knight

This takes "We Are Young" by Fun and crosses it with a squire's attempts to help a knight onto his horse.

Give me a second Knight

I need to fix your armor plate

This buckles twisted backwards

And there's fighting at the castle gate

It's up to me to get you ready

Just before the war

Thy steed's been acting hyped and restless and

Angry about before and…

I know I screwed up at this months ago

I know you'd like to make the fight

But between the flops and fuddled things

My oversaid apologies

You know, I'm trying hard to make it right

So if by the time the war's over

When you feel like falling down

I'll carry your load

Sir Knight

We are strong

So just trust your faithful squire

I'll raise you up higher

Than your horse

Sir Knight

Please hold on

If you were just a little lighter

I'd lift you up higher

Than your horse

Now I know that I'm not

Strong as I thought

I guess that I

I just thought

Maybe we could find new ways to get you up

But the Huns are back

So let's raise you up

'Cause we need someone to carry the war

Sir Knight

We are strong

So lets get the winching wire

To raise you up higher

Than your horse

Sir Knight

Please hold on

I'll adjust the winching wire

To lift you up higher

Than your horse

Get on your horse, Good Knight    (na na...)

Just get on your horse, Good Knight    (na na...)

Get on your horse, Good Knight    (na na...)

Just get on your horse, Good Knight    (na na...)

Now you are on your side    (na na...)

You have been spinning and spun    (na na...)

So will someone come and carry the war tonight    (na na...)

The saviors never arrived    (na na...)

But I can hear those drums    (na na…)

So let's get this done and carry the war    (na na...)

Sir Knight

Please hold on

I'll adjust the winching wire

To lift you up higher

Than your horse

Sir Knight

Please hold on

So I'll set the winching wire

And raise you up higher

Than your horse

So, if by the time

The war's over

When you feel like falling down

I'll carry your load

Sir Knight

The Pumice Shoe

This spins "The Promise" by When In Rome into an infomercial sales pitch for a dubious invention.

Before I begin, hear one small disclaimer

For plantar warts, seek podiatrists care

But when feet are sore, and cracking's a danger

Don't limp anymore, you have something to wear

So listen, here's an idea that will bring your feet relief

The pumice shoe

It's a new invention all you limpy people need

The pumice shoe

Your foot pain will soon be gone, and then you will believe

The pumice shoe

The pumice shoe, the pumice shoe for foot care

When callus cracks, and your heels are tender

Let's just face the facts, it can be hard to bear

And if you use it as it's intended

Your feet will be smooth as a babe's derriere

So listen, here's an idea that will bring your feet relief

The pumice shoe

It's a new invention all you limpy people need

The pumice shoe

Your foot pain will soon be gone, and then you will believe

The pumice shoe

The pumice shoe, the pumice shoe…

So listen, here's an idea that will bring your feet relief

The pumice shoe

It's a new invention all you limpy people need

The pumice shoe

Your foot pain will soon be gone, and then you will believe

The pumice shoe

The pumice shoe, the pumice shoe…

I'm gonna sell ya, your feet will sell ya

Smooth feet will sell ya, I'm gonna sell ya

So listen, here's an idea that will bring your feet relief

The pumice shoe

It's a new invention all you limpy people need

The pumice shoe

Your foot pain will soon be gone, and then you will believe

The pumice shoe

The pumice shoe, the pumice shoe…

So listen, here's an idea that will bring your feet relief

The pumice shoe

It's a new invention all you limpy people need

The pumice shoe

You can have volcanic footwear sent to you C.O.D.

The pumice shoe

The pumice shoe, …

The pumice shoe

Super Stinky Man

This crosses "Do It Again" by the Kinks with a gassy superhero.

Driving to the middle of nowhere

Windows rolled down for the wind

Coughing when I'm cruising the motorway

When I'm out of breath  (Out of breath)

Because it's back there you farted

Stunk the air up again

Drive and I pray, try to blow it away

And then you do it again  (Do it again.  Do it again)

Now we found your super power

There the air we're breathing again

Super villians seek surrender

Get up, go out, do it again

And then it's back there you farted

Saved the whole town again  (Stunk the air up again)

Back there you farted

Go on, do it again  (Do it again)

And you think the world is going to get better

Pass some gas and do it again

Give 'em a fart and knock 'em over

Today you will, but where will it end

Because it's back there you farted

Stunk the air up again

Driving all day, try to air it away

Then you do it again  (Do it again. Do it again. Do it again)

In days gone by you thought you were an average guy

Average friends and a dull set of clothes

You had no suspicions events would affect those

Your dull house, your dull car, your dull job, your dull nose

But you ate some broccoli and it's saving the day

Because the way that it fermented keeps making villians say

Give up. I give up  (Give up. I give up)

Back there you farted, saved the whole town again

Back there you farted, go on and do it again  (Do it again. Do it again)

Back there you farted, saved the whole town again

Day after day they give up and I say

Do it again.  Do it again.  Do it again.

Day after day they give up and I say

Go on and do it again  (Do it again. Do it again. Do it again.)

Hobbit Love Song

This focuses the attention of "I Love You Like a Love Song" by Selena Gomez & the Scene upon JRR Tolkien's hobbit Bilbo.

Second breakfast time

In a hobbit hole home gotta stop and dine

So relax your feet, eat up and unwind

Have some herbal tea, and a yummy bun, it's an elven one

In this hobbit home, time to eat, you and I, we two alone

An edible, hobbit full, bellyful

To break my fast again

And I just want to know, Bilbo

Are you hungry?  Have an elf cake, Bilbo

I, I love you like an elf cake, Bilbo

Honey Hobbit, have an elf cake, Bilbo

And I'll braid your hairy feet-feet-feet-feet-feet

Are you hungry?  Have an elf cake, Bilbo

I, I love you like an elf cake, Bilbo

Honey Hobbit, have an elf cake, Bilbo

And I'll braid your hairy feet-feet-feet-feet-feet

Stay with me, and let no wizard take you away from me

Say goodbye to those dwarves and their questing pleas

You need food to eat, wouldn't you

Don't you feel like having elf food

It's so yummy

It's known elvenkind bake with mastery

These are flavorful, honeyful, wonderful

These are… And I just want to know, Bilbo

Are you hungry?  Have an elf cake, Bilbo

I, I love you like an elf cake, Bilbo

Honey Hobbit, have an elf cake, Bilbo

And I'll braid your hairy feet-feet-feet-feet-feet

Are you hungry?  Have an elf cake, Bilbo

I, I love you like an elf cake, Bilbo

Honey Hobbit, have an elf cake, Bilbo

And I'll braid your hairy feet-feet-feet-feet-feet

My own foot hairs

Groomed and done up, with dwarven braid cords and love

The way to your heart, that cute belly ball

A meal that goes on and on

Are you hungry?  Have an elf cake, Bilbo

I, I love you like an elf cake, Bilbo

Honey Hobbit, have an elf cake, Bilbo

And I'll braid your hairy feet-feet-feet-feet-feet

Are you hungry?  Have an elf cake, Bilbo

I, I love you like an elf cake, Bilbo

Honey Hobbit, have an elf cake, Bilbo

Hobbit love song

Grasses Get Mowed

This crosses "Ex's and Oh's" by Elle King with an inexpensive gardener and the cast of Seinfeld.

Well, I knew a little lady, and she was in a jam

So I did all her yardwork, and put out her garbage cans

Whoa, I made some bread to blow

Well she told Mister Kramer who's been spreading my name

'Cause I trimmed his roses and they're really a pain

Hey, hey, and then I met the Vandelay's

One, two, three, they refer neighbors to me

Cause I'm the best gardner that will gardner yards for cheap

One, two, three, they refer neighbors to me

The green things always grow, and I always pull the weeds

Grasses over grow-ow-own, their lawns be

Get it mow-ow-owed, they want me, to rake the ya-ar-ard

It grows you know

Grasses get mowed

Got an extra fiver pruning two whole trees

Mister Ping told the Putty's and they tipped Babu to me

My, my, how those grasses grow high

I get five, I'm the guy for the mow

Doing yardwork, weeding, and trim the hedges low

You know, that's how this gardner rolls

One, two, three, they refer neighbors to me

Cause I'm the best gardner that will gardner yards for cheap

One, two, three, they refer neighbors to me

The green things always grow, and I always rake the leaves

Grasses over grow-ow-own, their lawns be

Get it mow-ow-owed, they want me, to rake the ya-ar-ard

It grows you know

Those grasses over grow-ow-own, their lawns be

Get it mow-ow-owed, they want me, to rake the ya-ar-ard

It grows you know

Grasses get mowed

One, two, three, they refer neighbors to me

If they're short of money, do the job for a grilled cheese

One, two, three, they refer neighbors to me

The green things always grow, and I always pull the weeds

Those grasses over grow-ow-own, their lawns be

Get it mow-ow-owed, they want me, to rake the ya-ar-ard

It grows you know

Grasses over grow-ow-own, their lawns be

Get it mow-ow-owed, they want me, to rake the ya-ar-ard

It grows you know

Grasses get mowed

Toast vs Bagel

This one is in memory of David Bowie.  His "Golden Years", as sung by one deprived of a morning bagel.

Hold on here's toast, hot, hot, hot

Hold on here's toast, hot, hot, hot

Hold on here's toast, hot, hot, hot

Don't make me choose between a

Toast or blueberry

Bagel

Hon', heat up a bagel

Breakin' my fast, day's begun

Bacon's warm and the eggs are done

Hon', heat up a bagel

Where's my bagel breakfast roll

Knife for spreading

A little cream cheese on

Hold on here's toast, hot, hot, hot

Hon', heat up a bagel

I'd really love some

Buttery toast

And dreamy cream cheese, bagel

Hon', heat up a bagel

Make a chill mug o' chocolate milk

Chug a mug back, goes fine

With my

Hon', heat up a bagel

I'll slip, twist my ankle in a pool o' tears

If someone doesn't come and tell me, "Sugar, here's…"

Hold on here's toast, hot, hot, hot

Hon', heat up a bagel

One of these days, if you just won't stop

Gonna drive down town

To the bagel shop

Gonna stack that sardine can up to the top

Just fold those seats back hatch back van

Do it up tight, but you gotta pack smart

Dozen by, dozen by, box upon box, I sincerely now

I sincerely have to say

Hon', heat up a bagel Hon' on the toaster, Hon' on the toaster Hon' on the toaster, Hon' on the toaster

Where's my bagel breakfast roll Knife for spreading A little cream cheese on Hold on here's, here's toast, hot, hot, hot Hon', heat up a bagel

Don't make me choose between a

Toast or blueberry

Bagel

Hon', heat up a bagel

Hon' on the toaster, Hon' on the toaster

Hon' on the toaster, there's a bagel setting

I'll slip, twist my ankle in a pool o' tears

If someone doesn't come and tell me, "Sugar, here's…"

Hold on here's toast, hot, hot, hot Hold on here's toast, hot, hot, hot Hold on here's toast, hot, hot, hot

Gum

This crosses "One" by U2 with the frustration of stepping on gum.

Did it lose it's flavor

Or was it hard to chew

Well it was on the paver, and … ew... now

It's sticking to my shoe

I got

Gum stuck

Gum gross

When it's in my treads

It really blows

Gum stuck

Off the grubby ground

With each step it's making

That sucky sound

Did it not blow bubbles

Or leave a bad taste in your mouth

Too wet to hold it in your hand

And so you went and spit it out

Well it's…

Chewed up

Chewed out

It's sticking fast, now I wanna shout

It’s gum, stuck with stones and twigs

I drag my

Shoe in the gutter

Shoe in the gutter

Gum

Did your gum go lose it's sweetness

Did your gum decay your teeth

Now your gum's stuck on my sneaker

It's all gooey underneath

It's on my shoe

Chewed up and used

I try to scrape it

But it's really fuzed

It's gum

What'cha gonna do

Well you

Spit out another

And now it's on my shoe

You put

Gum under tables

Gum behind the door

Gum under tables

Gum it up some more

You made it all sticky

And spit it on the floor

And I can't condone you now

Not anymore

Cuz now it's on my foot

Gum chewed

Gum stick

Gum's done

It's time to get rid of it

Gum's done

Tasteless spittle

Slobber

A little

Gum's done

What'cha gonna do

It's time to

Unwrap another

Unwrap another

One…. Gum

Chew

Make it.  Make it.  Make it

Bubble  (Does it)  Bubble

Chew it up

Chew it up

Bubble  (Make it)  Bubble