The Pigeon Appreciation Song

This is a thankful pigeon's adaptation of Meghan Trainor's "If Your Lips Are Moving".

If crumbs ya threw'n, If crumbs ya threw'n

If crumbs ya threw'n, then you're kind, kind, kind, yeah

If crumbs ya threw'n, If crumbs ya threw'n

If crumbs ya threw'n, then you're kind, kind, kind, yeah

I'm flappin' down from my nest

Wing it to the park when I wanna rest

You gotta feed good to pass my test

Coo-oo.  Some bread crumbs would be best

Yeah, I'm a city bird

I've a seen it done

Your bag got something, ain't that a bun?

If bread you got, and you share it too

You'll hear this birdie coo

You can chase me with a puppy

And I'll fly fly fly, fly fly fly, I'll fly fly

So go ditch your yippie doggie or I'll fly fly fly, fly fly fly

I know you're kind

'Cause crumbs ya threw'n

Tell me with a deli bun

I'm makin' room

This bird is poopin'

Flappin' round in circles with the flock

I peck your face, poop on your sweater

That's thank you in pigeon talk

I know you're kind

'Cause crumbs ya threw'n

Mister, don't ya know I'm won

If crumbs ya threw'n, If crumbs ya threw'n

If crumbs ya threw'n, then you're kind, kind, kind, Mister

If crumbs ya threw'n, If crumbs ya threw'n

If crumbs ya threw'n, then you're kind, kind, kind, Mister

Hey Mister, don’t you wear raingear

'Cause it's too late, too late, mister, now

I get excited when your near

You got bread crumbs, bread crumbs, wow, oh

You can chase me with a puppy

And I'll fly fly fly, fly fly fly, I'll fly fly

So go ditch your yippie doggie or I'll fly fly fly, fly fly fly

I know you're kind

'Cause crumbs ya threw'n

Tell me with a deli bun

I'm makin' room, this bird is poopin'

Flappin' round in circles with the flock

I peck your face, poop on your sweater

That's thank you in pigeon talk

I know you're kind

'Cause crumbs ya threw'n

Mister, don't ya know I'm won

If crumbs ya threw'n, If crumbs ya threw'n

If crumbs ya threw'n, then you're kind, kind, kind, yeah

If crumbs ya threw'n, If crumbs ya threw'n

If crumbs ya threw'n, then you're kind, kind, kind, yeah

I know you're kind

'Cause crumbs ya threw'n

Tell me with a deli bun

I'm makin' room, this bird is poopin'

Flappin' round in circles with the flock

I peck your face, poop on your sweater

That's thank you in pigeon talk

I know you're kind

'Cause crumbs ya threw'n

Mister, don't ya know I'm won

Twilight Pickle

This is the midnight snack version of "Twilight Zone" by Golden Earring.

Somewhere in a quiet kitchen

There's a guy starting to realize

That his midnight snack has got it's grip on him

It's two A.M.

It's two A.M.  (It's two A.M.)

The hunger's on  (Hunger's on)

And that refrigerator's open  (Refrigerator)

The gumbo's all gone  (The gumbo's all gone)

I weigh my selection; it's time to make a sandwich

I got butter on my fingers

Bread crumbs over there

Slices of the roast beef

And pepper in the air

Yearning a ghirkin

When my whole night spins into a frenzy

Help, I'm gripping onto a kaiser roll

Pickles almost out, seems I'm needing more

My buttery hands blunder and "ooh", I snarl

How am I to open that cold pickle jar

Soon you will have no more

When the pickles hit the floor

Soon you will have no more

When the pickles hit the floor

They're falling down in slow-mo

Destination the floor

These are not condiments

Anymore

Can't get no connection

Can't grip too

What to do?

Well the night weighs heavy on his hungry mind

This jar's full of picklebrine

When the pickles fall

He knows darn well he has to clean it

And he says, help, I'm gripping onto a kaiser roll

Pickles almost out, seems I'm needing more

My buttery hands blunder and "ooh", I snarl

How am I to open that cold pickle jar?

Soon you will have no more

When the pickles hit the floor

Soon you will have no more

When the pickles hit the floor

When the pickles hit the floor

Giddy Up, Good Knight

This takes "We Are Young" by Fun and crosses it with a squire's attempts to help a knight onto his horse.

Give me a second Knight

I need to fix your armor plate

This buckles twisted backwards

And there's fighting at the castle gate

It's up to me to get you ready

Just before the war

Thy steed's been acting hyped and restless and

Angry about before and…

I know I screwed up at this months ago

I know you'd like to make the fight

But between the flops and fuddled things

My oversaid apologies

You know, I'm trying hard to make it right

So if by the time the war's over

When you feel like falling down

I'll carry your load

Sir Knight

We are strong

So just trust your faithful squire

I'll raise you up higher

Than your horse

Sir Knight

Please hold on

If you were just a little lighter

I'd lift you up higher

Than your horse

Now I know that I'm not

Strong as I thought

I guess that I

I just thought

Maybe we could find new ways to get you up

But the Huns are back

So let's raise you up

'Cause we need someone to carry the war

Sir Knight

We are strong

So lets get the winching wire

To raise you up higher

Than your horse

Sir Knight

Please hold on

I'll adjust the winching wire

To lift you up higher

Than your horse

Get on your horse, Good Knight    (na na...)

Just get on your horse, Good Knight    (na na...)

Get on your horse, Good Knight    (na na...)

Just get on your horse, Good Knight    (na na...)

Now you are on your side    (na na...)

You have been spinning and spun    (na na...)

So will someone come and carry the war tonight    (na na...)

The saviors never arrived    (na na...)

But I can hear those drums    (na na…)

So let's get this done and carry the war    (na na...)

Sir Knight

Please hold on

I'll adjust the winching wire

To lift you up higher

Than your horse

Sir Knight

Please hold on

So I'll set the winching wire

And raise you up higher

Than your horse

So, if by the time

The war's over

When you feel like falling down

I'll carry your load

Sir Knight

The Pumice Shoe

This spins "The Promise" by When In Rome into an infomercial sales pitch for a dubious invention.

Before I begin, hear one small disclaimer

For plantar warts, seek podiatrists care

But when feet are sore, and cracking's a danger

Don't limp anymore, you have something to wear

So listen, here's an idea that will bring your feet relief

The pumice shoe

It's a new invention all you limpy people need

The pumice shoe

Your foot pain will soon be gone, and then you will believe

The pumice shoe

The pumice shoe, the pumice shoe for foot care

When callus cracks, and your heels are tender

Let's just face the facts, it can be hard to bear

And if you use it as it's intended

Your feet will be smooth as a babe's derriere

So listen, here's an idea that will bring your feet relief

The pumice shoe

It's a new invention all you limpy people need

The pumice shoe

Your foot pain will soon be gone, and then you will believe

The pumice shoe

The pumice shoe, the pumice shoe…

So listen, here's an idea that will bring your feet relief

The pumice shoe

It's a new invention all you limpy people need

The pumice shoe

Your foot pain will soon be gone, and then you will believe

The pumice shoe

The pumice shoe, the pumice shoe…

I'm gonna sell ya, your feet will sell ya

Smooth feet will sell ya, I'm gonna sell ya

So listen, here's an idea that will bring your feet relief

The pumice shoe

It's a new invention all you limpy people need

The pumice shoe

Your foot pain will soon be gone, and then you will believe

The pumice shoe

The pumice shoe, the pumice shoe…

So listen, here's an idea that will bring your feet relief

The pumice shoe

It's a new invention all you limpy people need

The pumice shoe

You can have volcanic footwear sent to you C.O.D.

The pumice shoe

The pumice shoe, …

The pumice shoe

Super Stinky Man

This crosses "Do It Again" by the Kinks with a gassy superhero.

Driving to the middle of nowhere

Windows rolled down for the wind

Coughing when I'm cruising the motorway

When I'm out of breath  (Out of breath)

Because it's back there you farted

Stunk the air up again

Drive and I pray, try to blow it away

And then you do it again  (Do it again.  Do it again)

Now we found your super power

There the air we're breathing again

Super villians seek surrender

Get up, go out, do it again

And then it's back there you farted

Saved the whole town again  (Stunk the air up again)

Back there you farted

Go on, do it again  (Do it again)

And you think the world is going to get better

Pass some gas and do it again

Give 'em a fart and knock 'em over

Today you will, but where will it end

Because it's back there you farted

Stunk the air up again

Driving all day, try to air it away

Then you do it again  (Do it again. Do it again. Do it again)

In days gone by you thought you were an average guy

Average friends and a dull set of clothes

You had no suspicions events would affect those

Your dull house, your dull car, your dull job, your dull nose

But you ate some broccoli and it's saving the day

Because the way that it fermented keeps making villians say

Give up. I give up  (Give up. I give up)

Back there you farted, saved the whole town again

Back there you farted, go on and do it again  (Do it again. Do it again)

Back there you farted, saved the whole town again

Day after day they give up and I say

Do it again.  Do it again.  Do it again.

Day after day they give up and I say

Go on and do it again  (Do it again. Do it again. Do it again.)

Hobbit Love Song

This focuses the attention of "I Love You Like a Love Song" by Selena Gomez & the Scene upon JRR Tolkien's hobbit Bilbo.

Second breakfast time

In a hobbit hole home gotta stop and dine

So relax your feet, eat up and unwind

Have some herbal tea, and a yummy bun, it's an elven one

In this hobbit home, time to eat, you and I, we two alone

An edible, hobbit full, bellyful

To break my fast again

And I just want to know, Bilbo

Are you hungry?  Have an elf cake, Bilbo

I, I love you like an elf cake, Bilbo

Honey Hobbit, have an elf cake, Bilbo

And I'll braid your hairy feet-feet-feet-feet-feet

Are you hungry?  Have an elf cake, Bilbo

I, I love you like an elf cake, Bilbo

Honey Hobbit, have an elf cake, Bilbo

And I'll braid your hairy feet-feet-feet-feet-feet

Stay with me, and let no wizard take you away from me

Say goodbye to those dwarves and their questing pleas

You need food to eat, wouldn't you

Don't you feel like having elf food

It's so yummy

It's known elvenkind bake with mastery

These are flavorful, honeyful, wonderful

These are… And I just want to know, Bilbo

Are you hungry?  Have an elf cake, Bilbo

I, I love you like an elf cake, Bilbo

Honey Hobbit, have an elf cake, Bilbo

And I'll braid your hairy feet-feet-feet-feet-feet

Are you hungry?  Have an elf cake, Bilbo

I, I love you like an elf cake, Bilbo

Honey Hobbit, have an elf cake, Bilbo

And I'll braid your hairy feet-feet-feet-feet-feet

My own foot hairs

Groomed and done up, with dwarven braid cords and love

The way to your heart, that cute belly ball

A meal that goes on and on

Are you hungry?  Have an elf cake, Bilbo

I, I love you like an elf cake, Bilbo

Honey Hobbit, have an elf cake, Bilbo

And I'll braid your hairy feet-feet-feet-feet-feet

Are you hungry?  Have an elf cake, Bilbo

I, I love you like an elf cake, Bilbo

Honey Hobbit, have an elf cake, Bilbo

Hobbit love song

Grasses Get Mowed

This crosses "Ex's and Oh's" by Elle King with an inexpensive gardener and the cast of Seinfeld.

Well, I knew a little lady, and she was in a jam

So I did all her yardwork, and put out her garbage cans

Whoa, I made some bread to blow

Well she told Mister Kramer who's been spreading my name

'Cause I trimmed his roses and they're really a pain

Hey, hey, and then I met the Vandelay's

One, two, three, they refer neighbors to me

Cause I'm the best gardner that will gardner yards for cheap

One, two, three, they refer neighbors to me

The green things always grow, and I always pull the weeds

Grasses over grow-ow-own, their lawns be

Get it mow-ow-owed, they want me, to rake the ya-ar-ard

It grows you know

Grasses get mowed

Got an extra fiver pruning two whole trees

Mister Ping told the Putty's and they tipped Babu to me

My, my, how those grasses grow high

I get five, I'm the guy for the mow

Doing yardwork, weeding, and trim the hedges low

You know, that's how this gardner rolls

One, two, three, they refer neighbors to me

Cause I'm the best gardner that will gardner yards for cheap

One, two, three, they refer neighbors to me

The green things always grow, and I always rake the leaves

Grasses over grow-ow-own, their lawns be

Get it mow-ow-owed, they want me, to rake the ya-ar-ard

It grows you know

Those grasses over grow-ow-own, their lawns be

Get it mow-ow-owed, they want me, to rake the ya-ar-ard

It grows you know

Grasses get mowed

One, two, three, they refer neighbors to me

If they're short of money, do the job for a grilled cheese

One, two, three, they refer neighbors to me

The green things always grow, and I always pull the weeds

Those grasses over grow-ow-own, their lawns be

Get it mow-ow-owed, they want me, to rake the ya-ar-ard

It grows you know

Grasses over grow-ow-own, their lawns be

Get it mow-ow-owed, they want me, to rake the ya-ar-ard

It grows you know

Grasses get mowed