Plecostomus

This takes "The Fallen" by Franz Ferdinand, plops it in an aquarium, and peers down its throat.

Some say you're a sucker boy
Just because like a rubbery toy
You stick to glass with a kissy face noise
Well, what's wrong with a little lip suction

Stick to glass, that's what you do
Because you lick the algae off too
Because the gravel's got a lot of fish poo
Well, who wants a mouthful of awful fish messed on

Did I see you on the submarine
Clinging like the fish with an admiral dream
Bet you're licking it fine
Keeping it clean
They may call you, this, the suckiest of suckers
Plecostomus
And fish uvulas
Yeah, the're all…

Suck now, that kissy noise
Suck now, that kissy noise
Sink to the gravel and yech to the awful

Did I see you on the submarine
Clinging like a fish with the wrangler dream
Oh, have you seen fish food flakes today
Once you see us
Won't you feed us
Feed your fish

So we swam that tank again
Round the seventh lap you said you never find flakes
"I never find flakes, won't you feed me again?"
I need a bit of bladder gas to free the floatation

It was done, I felt my bubbles burst
It was the splashy fish, found fish food first
You're a greedy loach, and you're at your worst
I swam to the sub praying for a bite of the crumbs

Did I see you on the submarine
Clinging like a fish with the Dyson dream
But you're licking to shine
What do you mean?
See the algae scum you're seeking is already clean
You've already been and it's already clean
They may call you, yes, the suckiest of suckers
Plecostomus
Fish uvulas look like this

Ahh lala ahh, la lala ahh, la la lala, aah lala la, the uvula

So Cossy, if you ever meet mystics
They're never all about the tartar on fish sticks
Why pick a pickle sauce when your mystic robe itches
Weigh in your waist, be grateful I ate all the flakes

Some say you're a sucker boy
Just because of your kissy face noise
You are the fish, the fish with the poise
I make this bubble and think of you fondly
Did I see you on the submarine
Clinging like a fish with the krakken dream
To the core of the vessel
Like the owl in a tree
Counting licks to the fine
Center chewy
But its a toy in the tank
It's not a sub in the sea
And face to the glass
You suck the algae
See me flipping out the smartphone
And making it big, yeah I'm making it big

Zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom

Yeah, I'm making it big
That dangly thing
They may call you, yes, the suckiest of suckers
Plecostomus
Fish uvulas
Look like this

The Great Spoonbender

"The Great Pretender" by the Platters refocused upon a minor superpower.

Oh yes, I'm the great spoonbender
I'm bending utensils for fun
They twist and they twine
Its with only my mind
You know I'm the talented one

Oh yes, I'm the great spoonbender
Turned down by the super heroes
I've a claim for the fame
But to my real shame
The X-Men still haven't phoned

Revealed is a feeling to shake the grief
You'll hear metal squeal
Oh, this tormented steel

Yes, I'm the great spoonbender
Just flattening things that were round
Your spoon's drooping
Take that Wolverine
Your soup is untouchable now
I'm bending the spoons all around

Revealed is a feeling to shake the grief
You'll hear metal squeal
Oh, this tormented steel

Yes, I'm the great spoonbender
Just flattening things that were round
Utensils need much more droopening
You supers are so soupless now
I'm bending the spoons of this town

The Han Soliloquy

This takes "Seven Nation Army" by the White Stripes to a galaxy far, far away, with a quick toastable breakfast snack.

I'm not a fighter pilot
Some death star station target's not a bold attack
Its more like idiotic
Falcon to fly, why be tied in that
And a faster laser blaster gets by
More times than jedi tricks
Picking thick trash mash grime
Inside my stinking my vest

And the wookie standing by my side says,
A worra roroar

Don't wanna speak about it
When you can not breathe you don't speak all that well
Its not that gross vest odor
Its Darth Vader and his forceful strangle spell
He wanna put me in a pop tart
Hey, that gonna make me annoyed
Sorry, Luke about your dad
A screw short of a droid

And that gooey going in my nose feels
Really gross

I can not move at all
Star war space opera is such a bore
I got an itchy aah
Feel the snot drip, I can't take any more
And when you're frozen in midsneeze
Inside a pastry shell that really blows
And the whines from my sinus scream
Solo, scratch your nose

And this hard frozen hand of Han
Can not scratch my nose