+2 Loaded Dungeon Dice of the Pirate Ninja Garden Gnome

This takes Kim Carnes "Bette Davis Eyes" to the dark fringes of Gary Gygax's universe.

He plays a pirate gnome
With ninja skills on the side
He guards his garden home
He's got loaded dungeon dice
He leads a ninja gnome crew
His stats are higher than high
He sure hits those good rolls
He got loaded dungeon dice

And he speeds through
With his wee crew
Gets the treasure but its wee too
And he throws his dicey rolls
Just like a snake who takes the gold dust
He poked the cyclops goddess in the saucer eye
He's got loaded dungeon dice

He gets to take the gold
He's got a moat to buy
He makes you give him more
He's got loaded dungeon dice
He'll make his die roll +2
Buddy, take my advice
And have him roll for you too
He's got loaded dungeon dice

And he goes through dungeon pros too
Hard to beat with his saving throw skew
And he throws his dicey rolls
Just out to make a dragon's nose gush
All the dwarves think he's a spy
He's got loaded dungeon dice

And he'll beat you
With his wee crew
All the better just to cheat you
And he throws his dicey rolls
Just nuff to make the tables go bust
He makes the dungeon master cry
He's got loaded dungeon dice

He'll beat you
With his wee crew
Just to cheat you
He's got loaded dungeon dice
He'll bulldoze you, when he throws two
And he goes through
He's got loaded dungeon dice

Undead Copurnicus (1545)

This spins Bowling for Soup's 1985 back a few centuries and makes it quite a bit more yummy-brainy-brain centric.

Ghoul, ghoul

Copurnicus had it all
He aced that astral call
Sun is up in space
And Earth revolves this way
He seemed to hit the score
Then he said something more
That Polo had a plan
Flat Earth a trading scam

He was gonna be a math wiz
He was gonna be a star
He was gonna shake his ass
Out of tune with Pope Paul's choir
But Polo was trainee in foul necromancy
He took to afterlife
And nothing has been alright

Albert Einstein, Bernoulli
Big brainy men those truly
There was Kepler, Galilei
Copurnicus's progeny
Now he is a night ghoul
And big brains make him fight drool
Since he was revivified
In fifteen, fifteen, fifteen forty five

Ghoul, fifteen forty five, ghoul

He eats astro-physics
He eats 'em every time
Bessel, Bode, Steven Hawking
Even that Sagan guy
He snacked out on LaGrange
And Anne Jump Cannon
Thought he'd get a hand
On Neil deGrasse Tyson

When Copurnicus ate Carl Sagen
Those yummy neurons numbered billion billion
When did astronomy become T.V.
What ever happened to sextants, nocturnals
In the grave you know were

Einstein, Bernoulli
Those brains were ghouly drool meat
There was Newton and Brahe
Copurnicus's progeny
Now he is a night ghoul
And big brains make him fight drool
Since he was revivified
In fifteen, fifteen, fifteen forty five

Ghoul
He hates time, make it stop
What did Apple do to make Siri talk?
And when did NASA get A.I. factor
Please make this
Stop! Stop! Stop!
And bring back

Einstein, Bernoulli
Those brains were kinda chewy
There was Herschel and Haley
Copurnicus's progeny
Now he is a night ghoul
And big brains make him fight drool
Since he was revivified
Fifteen forty five

That Einstein, Bernoulli
Those brains were ghouly drool meat
There was Hubble and Zwicky
Copurnicus's progeny
Now he is a night ghoul
And big brains make him fight drool
Since he was revivified
In fifteen, fifteen, fifteen forty five

The Curse of the Werechihuahua

Regina Spektor's "Fidelity" bitten by the werechihuahua.

I fight the urge to find a chewie
Oh, this strange time of the moon
Ever since chihuahua drooly
Bit my ankle in the gloom
My hairy wee time
Oh these forces
My hairy behind
Oh this curse
My hairy feet climb
Oh these nails click
And it makes me arf
And it makes me arf
And it makes me arf, arf arf arf, arf arf arf, arf arf arf arf arf arf
And it makes me arf, arf arf arf, arf arf arf, arf arf arf arf arf arf
Suppose I chewed a hole through my shoe
Suppose this paw won't fit a glove
Suppose you knew I'm way too small to
Jump up to reach that door knob
Suppose I chewed the telephone too
Suppose I couldn't even talk
Suppose I kept on waiting too long
Just to take a dog walk
Just to take a walk, arf arf arf, arf arf arf, arf arf arf arf arf arf
Just to take a walk, arf arf arf, arf arf arf, arf arf arf arf arf arf
Just to take a walk, arf arf arf, arf arf arf, arf arf arf arf arf arf
Take a walk
Take a walk
All my friends say
That the carpets
Gonna get wetter
Gonna get wetter
Wetter
Wetter
Wetter
Wetter
Wetter
Wetter
Wetter
I fight the urge to bite a chewie
Oh, this strange time of the moon
Ever since chihuahua drooly
Bit my ankle, sealed my doom
My hairy wee time
Oh this curse is
My hairy behind
And fleas hurt
My hairy feet climb
Oh these nails click
And it makes me arf
And it makes me arf
My hairy wee time
All of these curses
My hairy behind
All these fleas hurt
My hairy feet climb
All of these nails click
And it makes me arf
And it makes me arf
And it makes me arf, arf arf arf, arf arf arf, arf arf arf arf arf arf
And it makes me arf, arf, arf, arf, arf
And it makes me arf, arf arf arf, arf arf arf, arf arf arf arf arf arf
And it makes me arf
Makes me arf
And it makes me arf
And it makes me arf
And it makes me arf
And it makes me arf