Butterside

This spins the Red Hot Chili Peppers "Otherside" into a song of toast dropping.

Down on, down on butter side
Sad to waste my slice of toast
I don't believe it's bad
Slip, my toast goes so high over

I heard a noise from the ceiling fan
It caught a cut and saw upwards fast
Against the wall with a buttery smack
I gotta scrape it on the butter side

Behind the freezer's never been this clean
There's some dust bunnies who will never run free
Stringy things all from inside a lime rind
I gotta scrape it on the butter side
Scrape it on the butter side
Scrape it on, scrape it off

Down on, down on butter side
Sad to waste my slice of toast
I don't believe it's bad
I slip, my toast goes oh, wherever

Button eyeball and a ticket stub
The ashtray's missing a cigarette butt
Some crusty dough off of the kitchen rug
I've got to scrape it on the butter side

A scrabble tile and a pencil lead
Some fish food flakes and an old date pit
Fuzzy furballs from a furby's head
I gotta scrape it on the butter side
Scrape it on the butter side
Scrape it on
Scrape it off

Down on, down on butter side
Sad to waste my slice of toast
I don't believe it's bad
I slip, my toast goes oh, wherever

Scrape it on, scraping off the floor side
Place it on, freshen up the butter side
Propel my jelly to a sticky slam
I fear it's out, I fear it's out
And now I'm down to jam

Down on, down on butter side
Sad to waste my slice of toast
I don't believe it's bad
I slip, my toast goes so high overhead, on
Down on, I don't believe it's bad
I slip, my toast goes oh, wherever

Neon Cows (Lighting Farts)

This spins OneRepublic's "Counting Stars" into a song about the harnessing of cattle flatulence.

Lately I've been, I've been thinking deep
Reading about the squeeze of energy
The ways we tried too, I've been weighing hard
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be lighting farts
Yeah, we'll be lighting farts

I pass my time while I'm in this line
A la carte I'd like to dine
In this house of curly fries
Neon cows on burger signs

Cow, and I wonder how
Tap that power from the bowel
With umpteen billion burgers sold
That methane's worth a lot of coal

Wide diapers fitted tight connecting the piping
Balloons collecting the fumes, ripe for the lighting

I could light it, could light, couldn't I?
Everything that cows eat makes a gas to light

Lately I've been, I've been thinking deep
Reading about the squeeze of energy
The ways we tried too, I've been weighing hard
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be lighting farts
Lately I've been, I've been thinking greens
In a bovine belly could beat gasoline
And grazing cows too, could be fueling cars
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be, we'll be lighting farts

Moo

I say a cow
When it eats a fern, down it's belly rumbles churn
Fart's and undervalued word, make that methane, watch it burn

Foul, don't toss that towel
Tons of power from the bowel
And umpteen billion burgers sold
Methane's worth a lot of coal

Wide diapers fitted tight connecting the piping
Balloons collecting the fumes, ripe for the lighting
I could light it, could light, couldn't I?
Everything that cows eat makes a gas to light

Lately I've been, I've been thinking greens
In a bovine belly could beat gasoline
And grazing cows too, could be fueling cars
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be lighting farts
Lately I've been, I've been counting beans
Dreaming about the means of synergy
And hey, these cows too, I've been saying start
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be, we'll be lighting farts

Oh, stanky methane watch it burn
Smoke and deliver the gassy returns
Stanky methane watch it burn
Smoke and deliver those messy returns
Stanky methane watch it burn
Stink and deliver the gassy returns
Stanky methane watch it burn
Stink and deliver those messy returns

Everything that cows eat makes a gas to light

Lately I've been, I've been counting beans
Dreaming about the means of synergy
And hey, these cows too, I've been saying start
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be lighting farts
Lately I've been, I've been smelling things
Squeeze a spicket on it and get powering
And flaming cow toots could be fueling cars
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be, we'll be lighting farts

Oh, stanky methane watch it burn
Smoke and deliver the gassy returns
Stanky methane watch it burn
Smoke and deliver those messy returns
Stanky methane watch it burn
Stink and deliver the gassy returns
Stanky methane watch it burn
Stink and deliver those messy returns

Grabber

This takes "Shattered" by the Rolling Stones and crosses it with an old guy with gimpy knees, a grabber, and a cat that gets into his "regularity cookies".

Grab it, grab it
Jars and hats and books and things
Are on the shelves and out of reach
Lucky me!  I've a grabber
Its a grabber.  Grab it

Then is when I'm starving
My tum is grummy barring
I've got a cookie box up on the shelf
Fig crumble
Take out cookies wrapped in plastic bags
This tasty magic for constipation.  Grab it

That cat won't use it's litter box
This mess, this mess, this mess, this mess
And lucky me!  I've a grabber
Its a grabber.  Grab it

All this skitter skatter, skitter scatter, skitter scatter 'bout
Scat and scat and scat
And I can't sweep it away there with a broom
The grounds all poopie scatters
Grab it, da poopie, grab it

Reach techniques for far objects
Gets you effortless access access access access
With a grabber, I'll grab it, with a grabber

Ahh, lucky me, I've a grabber
Its a grabber
Lucky me!  With a grabber, yeah, grab it

Achy joints and tender knees
I ain't bending down for things
Achy joints and tender knees
My grabbers good for fallen things
My locking knees, I'm in tatters, yeah
My knees have had it, but does it matter
Does it matter, unh-uh
Does it matter, unh-uh, I've a grabber, ooh grab it

Oh look, da poopie, grab it, grab it
Unh, da poopie, grab it
Unh, da poopie, grab it, grab it

Don't you know that I hate picking up, up, up, up, up
To bend to the ground just gets so tough, tough, tough, tough, tough
To squat acts up my left side
Leg bucks, fall down
What a mess, the grounds been battered, I've been flattered
My box has clattered, scattered all over my kitchen

Oh look, da poopie, grab it, grab it
Unh, da poopie, grab it
Unh, da poopie, grab it
Unh, da poopie, grab it
Unh, da poopie, grab it, grab it

Uh-huh, the grounds full of cookie wrappers
Go ahead, bite the fig crumble, don't mind the floor wax
My things are scattered
My things all spread around, then
Grab it, grab it, grab it, grab it, grab it, grab it, grab it
Pile it up, pile it up, pile it high with the grabber

The Snooze

This is a sleepy spin of "Bad Bad News" by Leon Bridges.

Bed got no mattress, bed got this lumpy old futon
But I got a pillow soft, and a quilt that's warm
Bed got no stains, bed got no oopsie urinations
Bet I can sleep right through, on a bed like this with a bladder full
Let me sleep through (Let me sleep through)
Why you tryna blow my nap?
I'm just tryna prove the facts
Will I snore like this, will I snore like that? (Can you hear me?)
Let me sleep through (Let me sleep through)
I'm hibernating in the sack (G'night)
I'm just tryna prove my point
Would I snore like this, would I sound like that? (Yeah)
This slumber time has burned it's fuse
But I need a good good sleep, so I slam that snooze

I won't hurry, won't hurry, won't hurry with a pillow in my face
I'm dreaming of a styling place, and sleep slobber lake (Oh ugg)
I know you wish, know you wish, I would stay awake
But I need more today, snores they say (Yow)
Let me sleep through (Let me sleep through)
Why you tryna blow my nap?
I'm just tryna prove the facts
Will I snore like this, will I snore like that? (Can you hear me?)
Let me sleep through (Let me sleep through)
I'm hibernating in the sack (G'night)
I'm just tryna prove my point
Would I snore like this, would I sound like that? (Yeah)
I tell you I got snores to use
And I need a good good sleep, so I slam that snooze

Just say its night, alright alright
Its day not night, alright alright (goodnight)
Just say its night, (goodnight) alright alright (goodnight)
Its day not night (goodnight)
To wake or rest is mine to choose
And I need a good good sleep, so I'll slam that snooze
I'll take another five or two
Yeah I need a good good sleep, so I'll slam that snooze

Convection

This spins Charlie Puth's "Attention" into a song about a broken convection oven and an almost excellent lasagna.

Whoa, mmmm
You've been stirring sauce, stirring sauce, stirring sauce
With that sausage seasoning
Get your noodles on, noodles on, noodles on
One by one
You could get applause, get applause, get applause
From Italian food gourmets
Put your noodles on, noodles on, noodles on
Til you're done, oh
I know the best lasagna
You'll ever get
You got your cheesy block all shredded fine, oh
Now how will you heat lasagna?
Your oven's wrecked
And cold wet soggy noodles aren't divine

You just want convection
Your oven won't start
Maybe you just blew your brand new oven's only fuse
Yeah, you just want convection
And if they have the parts
It's just not in time to ever fully cook this food, oh

You will never fit, never fit, never fit
That pan in the microwave
And your noodles are, noodles are, noodles are
Out of luck
And with that metal trim, metal trim, metal trim
It's not even micro-safe
You already know, 'ready know, 'ready know,
That you're done, oh
Now how will you heat lasagna?  (heat lasagna)
Your oven's wrecked
There's no way they'll fix this up in time
(There's no way they'll fix this up in time)
I know the best lasagna (oh lasagna)
You'll never get (oh, baby)
Cause cold uncooked lasagna ain't divine

You just want convection
Your oven won't start
Maybe you just blew your brand new oven's only fuse, a fuse
Yeah, you just want convection
And if they have the parts
It's just not in time to ever fully cook this food, oh food, oh

Where is the melty cheesy
Where is that brown cheese, yum  (Where is it brown?)
Where is the melty cheesy
Where is that brown cheese, yum  (Where is it brown?)
Where is the melty cheesy
Where is that brown cheese, yum  (Where is it brown?)
Where is the melty cheesy
Where is that brown cheese, yum

Now how will you heat lasagna?  Your oven's wrecked
Your guests will be show up here at any time
I know the best lasagna you'll never get
Cause cold wet soggy noodles aren't divine

You just want convection
Your oven won't start
Maybe you just blew your brand new oven's only fuse
Yeah, you just want convection
And if they have the parts
It's just not in time to ever fully cook this food, oh

Where is the melty cheesy
Where is that brown cheese, yum  (Where is it brown?)
Where is the melty cheesy
Where is that brown cheese, yum  (Yeah you just want convection)
Where is the melty cheesy (Your oven won't start)
Where is that brown cheese, yum
(Your guests will just have to dine on take-out pizza food, oh)
Where is the melty cheesy
Where is that brown cheese, yum

Vulcan Wannabe

This takes Pete Krebs and the Kung Pao Chickens rendition of "Wasting All My Love on You", and spins it with Trekkie sorrows.

Live long and prosper, it's destiny

My words are truer than true

Pasting my ears

Pasting both my ears with glue

So pointy

I'm such a Vulcan

You would see

What this stuck skin could do

I'm pasting my ears

Pasting up my ears with glue

Then I would impress your guests
When I address them
With my finger thing

I wrap lobes in those forms

Of Vulcan norms

Oh I'd use my mind meld skill

And thoughts would spill

I could be there beaming

Up a cosmic stream

My words are truer than true

I'm pasting my ears

I'm pasting up my ears with glue

Dehumidified

This spins BØRNS "Faded Heart" from a tale of failed love into a tale broken air conditioning.

Broke AC, broke AC
So you see my situation - dry heat
Somehow dry skin began a disease
Iguana scales on my feet, oh man

Insidious sinuses
My mummied booger hurts when I sneeze
The high heat time has began
So you can understand my jam
And it feels just like I'm dehumidified
(Dehumidified)

Appliance, wouldn't start
Don't they make replacement parts
I'll get you some
Shouldn't take so long
Oh, don't they make replacement parts
Could you fix it?  No
Could you fix it?  No
Could you fix it?  Sweetie, pretty please  (Hot)

Bad AC, bad AC
My tummy growling like a dog in the heat
I'm trying not to cook up the night
So I called take out for tonight, to go

So come see my cozy home
I'll show you the way my garbage can stinks
With fumes of decay, remains of all my chicken wings, oh man
But it feels like I'm dehumidified
(Dehumidified)

Appliance, wouldn't start
Don't they make replacement parts
I'll get you some
Shouldn't take so long
Oh, don't they make replacement parts
Could you fix it?  No
Could you fix it?  No
Could you fix it?  Sweetie, pretty please  (Hot)

I need drops for dry eyes
Temperature's too high
Scratching the itches, sweaty crevices, uh huh

Appliance, wouldn't start
Don't they make replacement parts
Don't say they're out
Shouldn't wait so long, oh no
Don't they make replacement parts
Could you get it?  No
Could you get it?  No
Could you get it?  Sweetie, pretty please

Don't they make replacement parts