Don't Use All the Gravy

This takes "Don't You Want Me" by the Human League and recenters it upon a smorgasbord with some really yummy gravy.

I was eating mashed potatoes at the smorgasbord
When I met you
We talked a bit, we talked about the food on our plates
I turned you onto something new
Now every gravy day you've got to go there to eat
Those spuds are just so easy to chew
And now you got gravy you put wherever you like
Can you put down that gravy spoon?

Don't.  Don't use all the…
You know I cannot eat it when potatoes don't have gravy
Don't.  Don't use all the…
You know I can't believe it when I see where you put gravy

My mashed taters deprived
Of that gravy that's divine
But really why the heck would you put it on jello?

Don't use all the gravy
Don't use all the… Oh!
Don't use all the gravy
Don't use all the… Oh!

We were eating mashed potatoes at the smorgasbord
That much is true
But even then I knew I'd find a much better taste
Mixing this with that type food
The fine gravy I've had has been such a good kind
For topping food
But now I think I find it's what I like on jello
I guess it's just what I must do

Don't.  Don't use all the…
You know I cannot eat it when potatoes don't have gravy
Don't.  Don't use all the…
You know I can't believe it when I see where you put gravy

My mashed taters deprived
Of that gravy that's divine
And really why the heck do you put it on jello?

Don't use all the gravy
Don't use all the… Oh!
Don't use all the gravy
Don't use all the… Oh!

Hoodoo Feud

This spins Bon Jovi's "Livin on a Prayer" into a song about witchdoctor oneupsmanship.

Once upon a time, they knew the hoodoo feud

Tommy's got a voodoo doll
Twenty pointy pins
He pokes it a lot
For luck, bad luck

Gina twirls a chicken all day
She says it does the trick
Keeps bad mojo at bay
For luck, for luck

She says, the magic potion is in the pot
This mystic incantation has been chanted a lot
We'll keep the fire burning 'til it's hot
For luck, with hex and a pox

Oh, this hoodoo feud
Whoa, between me and you
Who's the better hoodoo, we'll know when we're thru
Oh, it's between me and you

Tommy's got a wart on his nose
In a touchy spot
Now it hurts when he blows
So tough, bad luck

Gina wears a shaggy toupee
When she tries to fit it tight on
She whispers
Maybe with Rogaine, someday

The magic potion is in the pot
This mystic incantation has been chanted a lot
Keep the fire burning 'til it's hot
For luck, with hex and a pox

Oh, this hoodoo feud
Whoa, between me and you
Who's the better hoodoo, we'll know when we're thru
Oh, it's between me and you
In a hoodoo feud

The magic potion is in the pot
You give it a light when the briquettes burn out
Oh, this voodoo feud
Whoa, between me and you
Who's the better hoodoo, we'll know when we're thru
Oh, it's between me and you

Geek

This spices Meridith Brooks "Bitch" with equal parts positive self-talk and hacker vengeance.

I got called a nerd today
I like being me
That makes it all O.K.
Tried to tell you
When you called me names like dorky
And a nerdy techno geek
But you meant it mean
Yes, I can decide
This - how I receive
Your words - they are unkind
I can make a stand, your words have been defused
I don't envy you
And your babble don't mean anything
Nerdy can be fun

I'm a geek, I'm a hacker
I'm a crunchy cheesepuff snacker
Phreaked your phone and placed a call
Ordered take-out from Nepal
That fish smell, with green leeks
You'll get it in three weeks
You know, you really aughta watch the things you say

What you don't understand
This is me, and I take pride in what I am
Rest assured that when you use the nerdy verbage
And you try to make it mean
The meanings rearrange
And your words won't mean a thing

I'm a geek, I'm a hacker
I'm a crunchy cheesepuff snacker
You're a winner by the way
You rocked it on e-bay
You're the high bidding king
On every rectal cream
You know, you really aughta watch the things you say

Just when you think, you got me, put me down
Your meanings all, "What the hey, man"
If being cool is being cool like you
Then nerdy's what I'll be

I'm a geek, I'm a hacker
I'm a crunchy cheesepuff snacker
You like TV, but it ain't
The view you knew today
Your cable, it's been cleaned
Of every show you've seen
You know, you really aughta watch the things you say

You've made friends overseas
With tip largess to Napalese
When you hurt, when you suffer
You've got cream to cure your butt hurts
I've had fun, I won't lie
You still get Nepal nine
You know, you really aughta watch the things you say

Ice Cream for an Extraterrestrial

This takes the spacey metephors of addiction from "Dark Necessities" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers and reaffirms similarities from the other direction.

Dropping down on the night LA
I got metamorph for a human face
So I'll be disguised in the ice cream aisle
To see what they have today

You and I both know
Everyone must go and pay
I hear dough's the way

Spinning off like a sad robot
With a rusty diode and an itchy spark
I complete an app at the Baker Shack
But I need to play the part

Take the test and go
Show gusto and go today
Here dough's the way, yeah

You don't know that I'm
I'm not human kind
Doctor says to pee, I've got a worried mind, and
He'll tell the world that I'm fallen from the sky
Doctor says to pee, my urine's iodine

Window down to the parking lot
You got no time for the afterthought
And I slip a Slurpee to a guy named Bob
Well that's me looking for pee

Thank the thirsty man
Cup o' urine in my hand
Way in a jamb, yeah

You don't know that I'm
I'm not human kind
Doctor says to pee, I've got a worried mind, and
He'll tell the world that I'm fallen from the sky
Doctor says to pee, my urine's iodine

Do you want this job of mine?
Doctors test this all the time
Do you want it? Do you want it now?

Do you want ice cream sublime?
'Cause ice cream comes in lots of kinds
Do you want it? Do you want it now?

I get a check from the Baker Shack
And I'm back checking out the ice cream rack
So I make a pick of a frozen snack
It's a crème brule sorbet

Any flavor cone
Everyone needs dough to pay
Here dough's the way, yeah

You don't know that I'm
I'm not human kind
Doctor says to pee, I've got a worried mind
He'll tell the world that I'm fallen from the sky
Doctor says to pee, my urine's iodine

Rice Shreddies

This spins Billy Idol's "White Wedding" into game of who can get the most slices of bacon.

Play morning twister, breakfast has come
Play morning twister, what could be more fun?
Play morning twister, how's your marzipan?
Play morning twister, could you pass the salt?
Play morning twister, got one!

It's a nice way to grab bacon (that or)
It's a nice way to eat rice shreddies
It's a nice way to grab bacon

Play morning twister, who wants some more grits?
Play morning twister, where's your egg sandwich?
Play morning twister, got one! (oh yeah)
Play morning twister, how's your marzipan?
Play morning twister, got one!

It's a nice way to grab bacon
It's a nice way to eat rice shreddies
It's a nice way to grab bacon <bacon crunch>

Pick it up
Take some hash browns and

Play morning twister, what's on your bun
Play morning twister, what could be more fun?
(Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon)
Hide it away, or so long (so long)
Hide it away, or so long (so long)
I got your bacon, so long

It's a nice way to grab bacon  (that or)
It's a nice way to eat rice shreddies
It's a nice way to grab bacon <bacon crunch>

There is nothing fair in this meal
There is nothing safe in this meal
And there's nothing square in this meal
And this game keeps going on until
When there's something left you can steal
Grab bacon  (that or)

It's a nice way to eat rice shreddies (yow)
It's a nice way to grab bacon
It's a nice way to grab bacon
It's a nice way to grab bacon