Carry Buddha

This is "Barracuda" by Heart as sung by a disgruntled Buddhist monk.

So, the master monk said

To that room instead

Feng shui

We have to move Buddha today

And son of a gun

But he's a heavy one

Got qualms, and sweaty palms

So though Buddha should enlighten me

I bet he's gonna squish my chi

And now he's ow, ow, ow, ow, on my toe you see

Now why don't you

Carry Buddha?

Oh-oh-oh

Hands on his knees

Keep moving please

Oh please

This may just herniate me

Oh no

My right, not yours

Through those big doors

Turn there

Then up the stairs

So though I took a vow I would not speak

This redecoration situation's bleak

And now my back, back, back, back, back is tweaked

Ow, carry Buddha

Oh, ow

Tell me, tell you

This thing is heavy

Bent brows broke vows

Spoken a few

I got a few for you too

Up one flight, and then the next

To the alcove that's the best

That Buddha's solid brass

Don't wanna bust my…. back

So though I took a vow I would not speak

This redecoration situation's bleak

And now my back, back, back, back, back is tweaked

Ow, carry, carry Buddha

Pastrami on a Parmesan Bun

This spins Sam Smith's "I'm Not the Only One" into an infatuation with the deli clerk and a greater infatuation for the sandwich she makes.

I'm in love, with the deli girl

But I can't say the words

So I just buy more sandwiches

And it's giving me the stinky burps

I'm eating there three times a day

Hoping it's your shift

Getting stamps on my sandwich card

When you're off I feel like I've been gypped

You take pastrami

And put it on a parmesan bun

And you made it so tasty

Now I want another one

How the weeks and the seasons turn

And that sandwich is our thing

I wish that I could speak some other words

Instead I'll have another pastrami

And you take pastrami

Put it on that parmesan bun

And you made it so tasty

Now I want another one

Change of hands at the Sandwich Land

Now saeurkraut makes me cry

Cuz you've gone to the Deli Grand

And I will not have my Reuben on rye

You gotta take pastrami

And put it on that parmesan bun

Cuz that makes it so tasty

Now I want another one

You take pastrami

And put it on a parmesan bun

But you made it so God darn tasty

Now I want another one

Now I want another one

Now I want another one

And I go

And I go

And I go

And I go

And I go

And I go, so

Now I want another one