Some Head Lice

So long ago, I don't remember when
Went thrift store shopping with my only friend
Well she said they stocked cheap things for the coming Halloween
And we riffled through the shelf of hats and wigs

I saw the straw hat of Scarecrow from the golden road to Oz
That straw would make my allergies go off
Now it always seemed such a waste
I'd never wear a wookie face
Not where someone left their gum, what a disgrace

Hey, come on, try a wig on, what a big selection
There's got to be something better than a spiky punker
But me and Cinderella
We found this Trump wig treasure
We can try it on
With some head lice

She said it's cold
It smells like gypsy incence spray
And I can't take the scent of gypsy spray
But there's got to be sorcery
Something here enticing me
This wispy mess of ugliness and greed
Well we went all to the end
Through the costume aisle bins
Sayin' all that's good; this presidential wig
Well she pulled the wig onto her head
She combed it over from the left
She scratched it then, it's just an itchy edge

Hey, come on, try a wig on, what a big selection
There's got to be something better than a rainbow afro
But me and Cinderella
We found this Trump wig treasure
We can drag a comb
Through some head lice

Your face is odd
It looks like you have dandruff
I try to pinch it but the pinching is returned
I tell you, keep your hands off of my face
These dandruff flakes have little legs
She said I've got some questions of concern
Said I don't know, I don't know much about many bugs
And I can't say, but I know they all lay eggs
But some thoughts here are creeping me, of ticks and mites and lice and fleas
I feel the scratchy claws of crawly things

Hey, come on, try a wig on, what a big selection
There's got to be something better than a Captain Sparrow
But me and Cinderella
We found this Trump wig treasure
We can be the home
For some head lice

You've Got a Muttering Dummy

When time is right, you gotta pick it up
Wide painted eyes, I said eyes of a fine puppet
Stand out, polish up the monocle
Time for puppet talk is on as the curtains call

You know you play the part well and you surely have the charm
When you move it's mouth, I don't even wonder where's your arm
But I've hard truth for you, don't let it make you sad
When you speak without your mouth you're bad
You've got a muttering dummy, you've got a muttering dummy

That's right, here's how your talking is
This isn't an act, your puppet accent's limp
Try hard, I'll tell you where it's not
Your enunciation stumbles on that puppet talk

You know you flaunt the fashion of the puppeteer supreme
If you think this gig is easy then you're living in a dream
I've hard truth for you, don't let it make you sad
When you speak without your mouth you're bad
You've got a muttering dummy, muh-muh-muh muttering dummy
You've got a muttering dummy

Persevere, oh puppeteer, you have no cause for sorrow
Shut your mouth and practice hard, you'll speak more clear tomorrow

Work it out, no time to take a rest, yeah
Act up, arise ventriloquist
Puppet talk, gotta have coherency
Then you're a big smash, hit 'em with that puppet speak, yeah

When your puppet's crying out and critics make you sigh
Take down the doubting fools, break out a case of little guy
Til that day arrives, don't let it make you sad
When you speak without your mouth you're bad
You've got a muttering dummy, muh-muh-muh muttering dummy

You've got a muttering dummy, you've got a muttering, uh
Dummy mumble!
You've got a muttering dummy, hey you, you mumble out
(Muh, tur, ring) You've got a muttering dummy
Ooh, ooh, you mumble out
(Muh, tur, ring) Muh-muh-muh muttering dummy
You've got a muttering dummy, muh-muh-muh mumble out
(Muh, tur, ring) You've got a muttering dummy

Glub, Glub

Cats are great and dogs are fun
But when you hug a squid, you know it's the one
The one, the one, the one
Glub glub glub
You know a squid, the squid's
The one, glub glub

To pet a goat or ride a horse you need a farm
But when you hug a squid it's got eight arms
The one, the one, the one
Glub glub glub
You know a squid, the squid's
The one, glub glub

You can pick a turtle, hey that's swell
But nothing hugs you harder than a turtle's shell
The one, the one, the one
Glub glub glub
You know a squid, the squid's
The one, glub glub

You can't hug a hamster in a hamster wheel
But nothing says I love you like the suckery feel
The one, the one, the one
Glub glub glub
You know a squid, the squid's
Hey, where's everyone
Glub glub

Where the Heck Are My Keys?

Keys are always like this
Oh, I can leave them anywhere
Lose them ever so absently obtuse
You know they're just not there
You know they're just nowhere

Because I've all these spots where I leave my keys
And to all these spots, I have been through and through
Where then can they be

Dude, do-do-do, do-do
Dude, dude, do-do-do, do-do
Dude, dude, do-do-do, do-do, dude

And when I sit on the couch
I have to be reclining there
Reach through cushions in where
Oh, now you know they're just not there
You know they're just nowhere

Because I've all these spots where I leave my keys
And to all these spots, I have been through and through
Where then can they be

Dude, do-do-do, do-do
Dude, dude, do-do-do, do-do
Dude, dude, do-do-do, do-do

Oh, they're not on the counter
And they're not in the sink
In the garbage can only these garbage things

Because I've all these spots
That I could leave these keys
And to all these spots
I have been through and through
Where then can they be

Dude, do-do-do, do-do
Dude, dude, do-do-do, do-do
Dude, dude, do-do-do, do-do
DUDE

Oh they're not on the counter
Where the heck are my keys
Oh they're not in my trousers
Nevermind, I found the keys

Butterside

Down on, down on butter side
Sad to waste my slice of toast
I don't believe it's bad
Slip, my toast goes so high over

I heard a noise from the ceiling fan
It caught a cut and saw upwards fast
Against the wall with a buttery smack
I gotta scrape it on the butter side

Behind the freezer's never been this clean
There's some dust bunnies who will never run free
Stringy things all from inside a lime rind
I gotta scrape it on the butter side
Scrape it on the butter side
Scrape it on, scrape it off

Down on, down on butter side
Sad to waste my slice of toast
I don't believe it's bad
I slip, my toast goes oh, wherever

Button eyeball and a ticket stub
The ashtray's missing a cigarette butt
Some crusty dough off of the kitchen rug
I've got to scrape it on the butter side

A scrabble tile and a pencil lead
Some fish food flakes and an old date pit
Fuzzy furballs from a furby's head
I gotta scrape it on the butter side
Scrape it on the butter side
Scrape it on
Scrape it off

Down on, down on butter side
Sad to waste my slice of toast
I don't believe it's bad
I slip, my toast goes oh, wherever

Scrape it on, scraping off the floor side
Place it on, freshen up the butter side
Propel my jelly to a sticky slam
I fear it's out, I fear it's out
And now I'm down to jam

Down on, down on butter side
Sad to waste my slice of toast
I don't believe it's bad
I slip, my toast goes so high overhead, on
Down on, I don't believe it's bad
I slip, my toast goes oh, wherever

Neon Cows (Lighting Farts)

Lately I've been, I've been thinking deep
Reading about the squeeze of energy
The ways we tried too, I've been weighing hard
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be lighting farts
Yeah, we'll be lighting farts

I pass my time while I'm in this line
A la carte I'd like to dine
In this house of curly fries
Neon cows on burger signs

Cow, and I wonder how
Tap that power from the bowel
With umpteen billion burgers sold
That methane's worth a lot of coal

Wide diapers fitted tight connecting the piping
Balloons collecting the fumes, ripe for the lighting

I could light it, could light, couldn't I?
Everything that cows eat makes a gas to light

Lately I've been, I've been thinking deep
Reading about the squeeze of energy
The ways we tried too, I've been weighing hard
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be lighting farts
Lately I've been, I've been thinking greens
In a bovine belly could beat gasoline
And grazing cows too, could be fueling cars
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be, we'll be lighting farts

Moo

I say a cow
When it eats a fern, down it's belly rumbles churn
Fart's and undervalued word, make that methane, watch it burn

Foul, don't toss that towel
Tons of power from the bowel
And umpteen billion burgers sold
Methane's worth a lot of coal

Wide diapers fitted tight connecting the piping
Balloons collecting the fumes, ripe for the lighting
I could light it, could light, couldn't I?
Everything that cows eat makes a gas to light

Lately I've been, I've been thinking greens
In a bovine belly could beat gasoline
And grazing cows too, could be fueling cars
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be lighting farts
Lately I've been, I've been counting beans
Dreaming about the means of synergy
And hey, these cows too, I've been saying start
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be, we'll be lighting farts

Oh, stanky methane watch it burn
Smoke and deliver the gassy returns
Stanky methane watch it burn
Smoke and deliver those messy returns
Stanky methane watch it burn
Stink and deliver the gassy returns
Stanky methane watch it burn
Stink and deliver those messy returns

Everything that cows eat makes a gas to light

Lately I've been, I've been counting beans
Dreaming about the means of synergy
And hey, these cows too, I've been saying start
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be lighting farts
Lately I've been, I've been smelling things
Squeeze a spicket on it and get powering
And flaming cow toots could be fueling cars
Said no more lighting fossils, we'll be, we'll be lighting farts

Oh, stanky methane watch it burn
Smoke and deliver the gassy returns
Stanky methane watch it burn
Smoke and deliver those messy returns
Stanky methane watch it burn
Stink and deliver the gassy returns
Stanky methane watch it burn
Stink and deliver those messy returns

Grabber

Grab it, grab it
Jars and hats and books and things
Are on the shelves and out of reach
Lucky me!  I've a grabber
Its a grabber.  Grab it

Then is when I'm starving
My tum is grummy barring
I've got a cookie box up on the shelf
Fig crumble
Take out cookies wrapped in plastic bags
This tasty magic for constipation.  Grab it

That cat won't use it's litter box
This mess, this mess, this mess, this mess
And lucky me!  I've a grabber
Its a grabber.  Grab it

All this skitter skatter, skitter scatter, skitter scatter 'bout
Scat and scat and scat
And I can't sweep it away there with a broom
The grounds all poopie scatters
Grab it, da poopie, grab it

Reach techniques for far objects
Gets you effortless access access access access
With a grabber, I'll grab it, with a grabber

Ahh, lucky me, I've a grabber
Its a grabber
Lucky me!  With a grabber, yeah, grab it

Achy joints and tender knees
I ain't bending down for things
Achy joints and tender knees
My grabbers good for fallen things
My locking knees, I'm in tatters, yeah
My knees have had it, but does it matter
Does it matter, unh-uh
Does it matter, unh-uh, I've a grabber, ooh grab it

Oh look, da poopie, grab it, grab it
Unh, da poopie, grab it
Unh, da poopie, grab it, grab it

Don't you know that I hate picking up, up, up, up, up
To bend to the ground just gets so tough, tough, tough, tough, tough
To squat acts up my left side
Leg bucks, fall down
What a mess, the grounds been battered, I've been flattered
My box has clattered, scattered all over my kitchen

Oh look, da poopie, grab it, grab it
Unh, da poopie, grab it
Unh, da poopie, grab it
Unh, da poopie, grab it
Unh, da poopie, grab it, grab it

Uh-huh, the grounds full of cookie wrappers
Go ahead, bite the fig crumble, don't mind the floor wax
My things are scattered
My things all spread around, then
Grab it, grab it, grab it, grab it, grab it, grab it, grab it
Pile it up, pile it up, pile it high with the grabber