I'll Probably Pee

This takes Sting's "It's Probably Me" in a more canine direction.

If the latch is loose and the cold winds howl
And the gate swings open and there ain't no one around
Then I'll slip outside down the twisty roads
Go sniffing every tree
You ask yourself, who'll walk with me
To guide my way, who could it be
I have to say that
To find my way that I'll probably pee

When I'm smelling something with a meaty appeal
And I tip down the can, and root for my meal
And I take the bone, and I bury it
Where nobody can see
Ask yourself, what guarantee
Could indicate a place, retrace my way for me
There's no mistaking
I'll lift my leg and I'll probably pee

It's not the easiest situation to navigate these roads
And this frequent urination sure takes bladder control
Summer's day, I should quench my thirst away
Sun'll surely run me dry
But if there's one hydrant, just one hydrant
That no hound in sighting would deny
Make no mistake that
I'll lift my leg and I'll probably pee

When a squirrel's tail twitchy on a side yard fence
I bark to defend my canine dominance
And I let a howl, and from beside a house
Some guy throws his newspaper at me
So I pick it up, and I run away
I won't return it
That's not how I play these fetchy games
And where I take it
I have to say that, I'll probably pee

I do my business in the business section
Leave a sophisticated scent in the classifieds
Even put a special interest piece in the local pages

I have to say that
You know this stray dog
Won't hesitate long
To lift a leg and
There's no mistaking
I'll lift that leg and
I'll probably pee

Wait for it

'Cause if there's just three drops in the dusty reservoir
No parched Saraha could still this oceans tidal roar
I'll shake my leg and
I'll shake my leg and
I'll shake my leg and
I'll shake my leg and
I'll shake my leg and
I'll shake my leg and I'll probably pee

Beware the Butter

This takes "All That She Wants" by Ace of Base and spins it into a cautionary tale of a supernatural butter spirit.

She needs the butter life
She feeds the butter life

Well she hates to wait in a margerine tub
And she moans when she's in one
She likes the warmth of a waffle iron
That's where she's going
To work a quick enchantment
Slip a slick spell on your tongue
With just one bit of butter and you're done
She's going to get you

All that she haunts is the butter, maybe
She's on your waffle now
All that she haunts is the butter, waiting, yeah
All that she haunts is the butter, maybe
You've got a mouthful now
All that she haunts is the butter, melting away

All that she haunts
All that she haunts

So if you think you might like a crunchy bite
Of some buttered battered prawns
Its butter charms she works on you
You must remember
Your doctor warned of trans-fats
With their paranormal ties
Beware the butter baked into your pie
She's going to get you

All that she haunts is the butter, maybe
She's on your waffle now
All that she haunts is the butter, waiting, yeah
All that she haunts is the butter, maybe
You've got a mouthful now
All that she haunts is the butter, melting away