Speed Dial a Mime

This turns "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses into a song about a mime's disregard for the English language and subsequent game-show difficulties.

He aughta study for the SAT
But grammar is not his cup of tea
This whole English thing
Well, it seems such a waste of time

The weekend's been when he paints his face
And he heads downtown to a special place
And there the faire troupe throng
Will put on a big pantomime

Go see Milo the mime
Go see Milo the mime

Years spin by on the hands of time
While this miming champion
Will fit his hands in cotton whites
And squeeze in a box again

And now Milo's up on a TV show
He's wearing a contestant sign
And posed with a question he don't know
He'll call on his mime life line

Go speed dial a mime
Go speed dial a mime
Go speed dial a mime
Speed dial a mime

What do you know?
I is a pronoun
What do you know?

What do you know?
You is a pronoun
And we is a pronoun

What do you know?
Speed dial
This is a pronoun

My yie yie yie yie yie mime
This is a pronoun
What do you know?  I is a pronoun
What do you know?  You is a pronoun
What do you know?  We is a pronoun
Now now now now now now noun
Speed dial
Speed dial a mime

BLT

This spins "Brass In Pocket" by the Pretenders into a diner's sales pitch.

Want fast?  I'll make it
Don't dawdle.  I'm gettin to it
Suggestions?  Forget the menu
Gonna make your, make your, make your sandwich

Libation for your hydration
Then dine in clean booth seating
So pleasing, this dreamy seas'ning
Gonna make your, make your, make your sandwich

Gonna use my bread
Gonna use mayonaise
Gonna use my lettuce
Gonna use tomatos
Gonna use my bacon
Gonna use my, my, my sandwich makings

Oh, 'cause I'm gonna make you eat
It's today's special
A BLT
A special (special), lunch special (special)
You gotta have some of this good luncheon, take it from me

Got some yums, got this to eat
Got something, so-weet
Got soda, get free refills
Gonna make your, make your, make your sandwich

Gonna use my bread
Gonna use mayonaise
Gonna use my lettuce
Gonna use tomatos
Gonna use my bacon
Gonna use my, my, my sandwich makings

Oh, 'cause I'm making lunch tasty
It's our lunch special
A BLT
A special (special), lunch special (special)
You gotta have some of this good luncheon
Take it from me
'Cause I'm gonna make you eat
It's today's special
A BLT
A special (special), lunch special (special)
You gotta have some of this good luncheon

Take it from me
I know what you want

You Make This Ghost Go Boo

This turns "You Make Me Feel Brand New" by The Stylistics into a song about a ghost's passion for scaring a special someone.

My grave
This lonely time inside my grave
So dark and cold inside my grave
I thought I'd not be saved

From my grave
You put the rattle in my chains
Those haunting notions in my brain
And from these I can't refrain

Know it's true
In my heart there was a chasm
Then you stirred my ectoplasm
This song is for you
'Cause I gotta boo for you

Ghostly woo
You make this ghost go boo
Your goosebumps make me swoon
You make this ghost go boo
I haunt this house 'cause you
Make this ghost go boo

Above
Whenever you are walking near
I float upon the chandelier
I'm there to scare my hauntee

Phantom friend
Come join me in this ghostly dance
And if you give me half a chance
I'll spook you and you'll mess your pants

Freak out you
I got these ghost skills sublime
White sheets get a scare every time
Hundred million ways to
Get an eeky face
On you

Ghostly woo
You make this ghost go boo
Your goosebumps make me swoon
You make this ghost go boo
I haunt this house for you

Boo

You
You make this ghost go boo
Your goosebumps make me swoon
You make this ghost go boo
I haunt this house for you

The Burrito Has Been Reheated

This spins "The Horizon Has Been Defeated" by Jack Johnson into a song about a burrito that is too hot, again.

The burrito has been reheated
By the powers of the micro-waves
Bubbling in tortillas
But baby I just have to say
That cheese can burn bad
And make you wag your tongue in pain
But as it grows colder
It just doesn't taste the same

Future indigestion
When those beans release the gas
And acid can turn to reflux
Before the pent up pressures pass
And in belly begins the rumbles
And in rumbles begins the pains
And in the end descends a wind
And that wind will leave a stain

Breeze can turn bad
And make you want to run away
But as the smells linger
The discomfort begins to change, change, change

Habanerrolaid jumble
Indigestion in the news
Because peppers are spicy
And twice they burn a hole you pay the dues
Hemorrhoidal heat's a hurting
Misery is on the loose
Because peppers are spicy
And pricey, burn a hole in your caboose
Squeeze the tube but you're out of the gel
Oh sometimes man, make you want to yell and

Cheeks can burn bad
You don't wanna rub and chafe
But as you sit longer
The discomfort begins to fade away

Ghost Pig

This spins "Don't Speak" by No Doubt into a song about a ghost pig and a love of bacon.

Spooky thing
Flying down the hallway
Trotting on the wall all muddy
I heard a squeal
Now you're chewing my cushions
I can't believe
The sofa's ruined
It looks as though, you're white as snow
And if you're real
There's something you should know

Ghost pig
I just want your bacon
The aroma you're making
Just makes the hunger worse
Ghost pig
I want all your bacon
And pork chops no mistaking
With gravy would be great

Your bacon grease
Well, it could be for frying
I'm hungry, maybe I should try the high heat
Baked or fried, I'm satisfied
With a roast on a rack or pork pot pie

Ghost pig
I just want your bacon
The aroma that you're making
Just makes the hunger worse (oh, oh no)
Ghost pig
I want all your bacon
And pork chops no mistaking
With gravy would be great

So salivating
Let's start marinating you today - with gravy.
Friccassee.  Time to eat up savory gravy.

Ghost pig
I just want your bacon
The aroma that you're making
Just makes the hunger worse (oh no)
Ghost pig
I just want your bacon
I swear my belly's aching
It makes the hunger worse
It makes my hunger worse!
I want all your bacon
And pork chops no mistaking

Ghost pig
Ghost pig
Ghost pig

I want all your bacon
And pork chops no mistaking
I know you're good
I know you're good
I know you're real good

Mmmm.  Oinky oinky oink, oinky oinky oink
Ghost.  Ghost.  Mm-hmm.  Mash mashed potatoes
Mash mashed potatoes, mash, mash
Ghost gravy would be great.   Mmm.  Mmm.
Mash mashed potatoes, mash, mashed potatoes
Mash, mash, ghost gravy would be great

Stained Laundry

This spins Aha's "Take On Me" into a song about dirty clothes and their need for professional cleaning services.

Wash it away
Stains won't go, my whites are gray
I'd spray those stains away
But they're so stubborn, sprays just won't cut thru
Trying to say
Heavy cycle's not enough today

Stained laundry (stained laundry)
Take these socks (stained laundry)
Wash these off
And I'll wait for you

So it's best to pay
This mustard mess
Just won't clean off, another way
There's no returning this purple beret
Stained laundry
This old sweater'd itch less with a softner

Stained laundry (stained laundry)
Take these socks (stained laundry)
Wash these off
And I'll wait for you

Clothes stink, it's what they say
I can't deny it's just the way I sweated today
And all these things in need of a softner
I'm trying to say
Heavy cycle won't do anyway

Stained laundry (stained laundry)
Take these socks (stained laundry)
Wash these off
And I'll wait

Stained laundry (stained laundry)
Take these socks (stained laundry)
Wash these off
And I'll wait